Notes to Myself

I have always struggled with my self confidence. For whatever reason I never really felt worthy or good enough. I would see what other people achieved and thought I am not capable of having or doing that. I didn't believe in myself. My mother would tell me, "you shouldn't compare your insides to other people's outsides." Because other people appeared to have it more together than I did I thought they were somehow better than me.

I was on the phone with my ex-husbands wife last week. She met my husband two weeks after I left him. She moved into my house right away, got rid of my things and as soon as the divorce was final they got married and had a child together. I spent many years being envious of her having my life, while I struggled to get my education, raise my son, and establish a career.

She wants to leave my ex but she's afraid she can't make it on her own. I reminded her that I did it, and I had a 13 month old child to take care of at the time. When I got off the phone it made me realize what I accomplished in the past 15 years. For someone with very little self confidence I still persevered even when I didn't think I could do it.

I really feel grateful for all the things I have achieved. If I knew 15 years ago how hard I would have to work and the struggles I would have to endure I might still be living in fear and doubting my capabilities. Rather than allowing my fears to paralyze me I walked through them and while I experienced the fear, I still did what I wanted and needed to do. Now I can look back and see all the things I achieved. Was it difficult? Yes. Was it worth it? Definitely!

Many times I have told myself I am not good enough but still I take a risk. I am the type of person who doesn't like being bored so I will try new things rather than be sedentary. It's interesting that when we believe in ourselves and we trust that things are going to turn out the way we want, even when we don't know how or when it will happen, it always does! It's a matter of just trusting.

Self confidence means to me, not allowing limiting thoughts to creep in and sabotage things that I want to achieve. I don't understand why people stay in jobs, relationships, or situations that they are not happy in, rather than taking a risk. For me, unhappiness is far worse. Believe in yourself, and if you don't believe in yourself, do it anyway!

When you feel like your are lacking confidence and don't know how to handle a situation breathe through it. Sometimes it's best not to come up with an answer or solution right in the moment. Take a little time to sort through your thoughts and feelings and then choose what to say or how to handle a situation. When we are not reacting in the moment and we process what we really want to say or do, we own it and gain confidence that we are capable of handling situations on our own.

I think we lack confidence when we think we have to have all the answers right away. We are not going to do or say the right thing, all the time, every time. Sometimes we make an ass out of ourselves. It's okay! We are human. It's when we don't assert our opinion, thoughts, ideas, or take control of a situation that we relinquish our right to choose.

I also notice that when we are feeling down on ourselves we become more sensitive to what other people say to or about us. I know that if I am holding a particular belief about myself and someone criticizes me or comments about something I am doing or should be doing I become much more defensive than when I am feeling in control and confident about who and what I am.

We need to be able to give ourselves permission to be human and fallible. If we don't take chances to reveal who we are because we fear rejection, than we lose out on the possibilities of great success. When we are being authentic, other people can see where we are coming from and often times the ego won't get in the way.

We all have dreams and ways of envisioning ourselves and our lives. Areas we would like to explore and grow in. It takes confidence to be able to create the life we truly want, whether it be to express our creativity, achieve a particular goal, have the relationship we desire, have a career we love or get out of self defeating cycles.

We all tend to doubt ourselves in one way or another and sabotage our growth at times. if we look back at how far we've already come, it makes it easier to believe that what we want is possible. Then, when thoughts or emotions creep in that say, "you can't do that", "it won't happen", "why try anyway", we will push the ego voice aside, walk through the fear and doubt and do it anyway!

Prayer

God, I can envision what I want in my life. I can feel and sense how deeply I want to achieve certain things. I am not certain if I am capable having what I want or how much longer and harder I can persevere, so I surrender my dreams to you.

I can see how far I have come. I am so grateful for the many, many blessings in my life. I am so proud of myself for coming through many obstacles and challenges. I know you have always been beside me helping me along.

I trust that you are still with me. I know that I have the inner strength and courage to create the life I want. I ask that you continue to guide and bring me clarity.
Where I doubt, I ask for confidence. When I give up, I ask for you to give me courage. How things manifest I leave up to you, I trust that all good things come to me in all ways, always.

I release the inner critic. I surrender limiting thoughts and beliefs. I come into my divine powers now! Archangel Michael, please bring me courage, strength and protection.
Dear God, knowing you are with me, I walk through my fears and create, express and achieve. I believe in myself. I believe in You. I believe you believe in me.

And so it is.

Amen.