Despite knowing better, sometimes you find yourself mired in a world of tension. You have read a lot of uplifting words, including Heavenletters. You know better, and, still, there are days and weeks or longer that surround you in misery. In theory, you may accept responsibility for how you are feeling, yet, when you are feeling down, you may stay feeling down, and can't seem to get out of it. Woe is you.
You are a good person, and yet, day after day, you may endure feelings that drag you down. In certain company, you may smile, laugh, and sometimes may even really enjoy, and then, when you return to yourself alone, dark feelings keep you in their thrall. This seems to happen to you, and you don't know how you got here.
You know better. You know better than to soak in dismal thoughts and dismal feelings, yet, here you are, immersed in deep and lasting despair. Here you are, lacking appetite for Life, and you seem unable to conjure up Life as Beautiful any more. It is inconceivable that unhappiness is happening to you. You used to nip downhearted feelings in the bud, while now they seem to take over.
Life may feel hollow right now. No one seems to care how you feel or understand even if they might want to. You, yourself, do not know the cause of your heartache. It's not like someone who matters to you has died recently. You haven't lost your livelihood. You have no physical ailment. You have no good reason to feel down and out, and, yet, you find yourself - it seems like you find yourself - in a downward spiral of despair.
Always before, when you were down-hearted, there was some kind of explanation. Your love was unrequited and so on. You had some reason.
Now, here you are with every reason to be happy, and you are not. You are at a loss.
You look for a cure. You know that, if there is a cure, the cure is within you. You understand that you hold the key to suffering within you. You also understand that the cure lies within you.
You would love Deus ex machina to come in and ease your heart. Life doesn't always make you feel good, yet somehow, now that you have addressed your feelings, now that you have spoken to yourself, have looked yourself in the eye, you feel a little easing. What was great suffering a minute ago somehow now feels somewhat distant from you. There is an aspect in which you begin to see yourself less tragically. You begin to see yourself as though you had not been stuck in a great tragedy but merely stuck in a pickle jar.
No longer caught up in a Shakespearian drama or Dickensian novel, you see yourself more like a reader of novels, some fast-paced, some slow and winding.
Now you are ready to read a light novel instead of a tragic one.
So is the Story of Your Life. You read one novel after another. You watch one play after another, and you believe you are the star in the novel or on stage. You reap rewards, and you also reap going through dark halls of life. You wander from one corridor to another. You watch the Big Picture, and you watch a tiny picture. For a while, you are Don Quixote who swordfights with windmills.
You seem to go from one end of the world to another. Who are you anyway, and what are you doing?
You tell yourself one story after another, and none of them is True. You and I are true.
Now turn the page with Me, Beloveds. Let Us turn the page.
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