Dear Jennifer: I am heartbroken and devastated because my boyfriend of seven years left me for another woman. I thought we were doing well and we had even talked about marriage and were making some long term plans. Now he’s with someone else and I don’t know what to do. I am so confused because we connected so well and I thought this was meant to be. What happened?
Jennifer’s Answer: I’m so sorry that this is happening to you. Heartbreak is never an easy thing to experience but you will recover and you will find joy again. Please don’t write off your entire relationship because it ended this way. Focus on the good times you shared, the joy you had and know that while it was meant to be, it was not necessarily meant to be permanent.
When we think that ‘meant to be’ with ‘means to last forever’, we are no longer focused in the present and are not in the reality of the relationship. And while it feels very emotional, relationships are about energy and alignment. And your alignment has shifted, so the relationship connection is no longer there.
You were meant to be together or you would not have been attracted to each other. That attraction, while it feels romantic, is about an energetic connection. Each of you had something to learn from the other and you have done that. There comes a time in every situation when forward movement needs to occur and the energetic shift required for this shift to happen requires that everyone make a choice.
Can they embrace a new frequency? Are they ready to allow themselves to expand their energy in new directions? Are they willing to be an expanded aspect of themselves? While it seems that the answer to those questions should be ‘yes’, that is not always the case. Remember that it is about energy, not feelings although the feelings create an energy of their own.
Sometimes, people are happy in their comfort zones even if those are not the most comfortable places for them. Fear of change is a powerful limiter and the person must overcome their fear before the change has any value to them, no matter how wonderful it is. Know too that he doesn’t have the same kind of relationship with the new woman that he did with you, he just has one whose energies are more familiar and comfortable for him. Relationships last until it’s time for their energy to shift, and then everything is up for review. The end of one road has arrived and it’s time to decide on a new path. This is where ‘meant to be’ either moves into forever (until the next choice point) or never.
While it feels very personal and about you not being enough or wrong, that is not the case. It is about him and the choices he had to make in order to move your relationship energetically to another level. Since he didn’t feel capable of that, he chose someone else, whose energy he felt more comfortable with. That seems like a cowardly thing to do and maybe it is, but it just shows his fear and he is being honest, he is not ready to be at the level that being with you in a long term relationship requires.
This is also a lesson in acceptance, which demands that we give ourselves closure in situations that often do not make any sense. Accept his choice for two reasons: first, whether you do or not, the situation will not change as you will not be together again, and second, if you do not, then you will be carrying the heartbreak with you and limiting your access to joy in your life.
Give yourself closure so you can move on and open your heart to joy again. You will find the happiness you seek, and it will be another ‘meant to be’ relationship whose connection may be the permanent one you seek.