Dear Jennifer: I have been wondering how people who supposedly do not believe they are a prize happen to be in relationships anyway. I know I was in one when I thought very little of myself and it was a huge spiritual learning curve in which I learned many lessons. Today I am more confident, open and loving than I ever was, yet I am still not able to attract or manifest a loving relationship. Do I leave that to destiny cause I have other more important things to focus on?
Jennifer’s Answer: Others may have relationships despite not feeling that they are the gift or prize but what kind of relationships do they have? Are they loving and respectful, does their partner honor them and are they happy? While you may believe that is true from what you see, you cannot actually know it because it’s part of the relationship dynamics between the two people. Maybe that person has lower standards than you do and they are willing to tolerate or put up with certain behaviors just to have a partner. Are you willing to do that too?
We judge others’ successes or blessings by what we think is happening in their lives but the truth is, we have no idea because we are not actually in the relationship. My father used to say ‘believe only half of what you see and none of what you hear.’ That may be a little extreme but what we see going on in others’ lives is not always the truth. If your relationship parameters include some very high standards and you are not sure you can find someone to meet those standards then you are trying to attract something you do not think you can relate to.
Another area of consideration for you is that you say you are more confident, open, and loving, thanks to your previous relationship. Do you think that you can find someone who appreciates that in you? I suspect that you are used to being with partners that do not appreciate you when you are powerful, so you do not know how to attract that kind of partner. And because it is a new way of being for you, you aren’t sure that you can make this kind of relationship work. So while you are asking for one, you are also pushing it away.
Set a new intention for a relationship with a partner who values you as a loving, open and confident person. Someone who will not be threatened by that and who will appreciate you as a strong woman. You aren’t attracting a relationship now because you are afraid that the ‘new you’ won’t be as attractive to a potential mate and you don’t want to go back to the way you used to be. Perhaps you think that is the only way you can have someone but with the right intention, you will attract someone who values you as a loving, strong, confident and powerful woman.