Why do we often feel that we have to sell ourselves to others, and convince them that we are ‘good enough’ for them, when all we have to do is to be ‘good enough’ for ourselves, and let them make their own choices? We go into relationships believing we must prove our value so we can get the love we want. And that is usually with people who do not value us. Can we be so clear and confident about our own value that we don’t try to ‘sell ourselves’ to people who don’t value us (because they can’t), and instead, create loving connections with people who love us and they flow effortlessly into our lives because they reflect our value?
I was helping a client prepare for an important business meeting and he said ‘I feel ready, now I just have to sell myself to them.’ That brought up another discussion of why he felt that he had to convince them of his value and worthiness, and sell them on what he had to offer. Why couldn’t he just do his best and let that be the deciding point? If he does too much selling, he risks overselling himself, making promises he may have trouble keeping, or go into that important meeting feeling like he was going to lose, and creating that as a self fulfilling prophecy.
Finally my client was comfortable with his preparations for the meeting that included an offer list and, more importantly, a reminder of things he was not going to agree to. This way, he doesn’t overextend himself and make promises that reflect his desire to be valued, he can’t keep.
Don’t we all do this when we try to connect with others, especially in situations where we really want to be valued or connected, or that we think are important? We oversell ourselves, bend over backwards (so to speak), believe we have to convince others that we are valuable enough for them to love us, and then what happens? We agree to things that we can’t or don’t want to do later, or find that we have stepped into a situation that isn’t serving us. But we have so much invested in the situation that we don’t feel we can back out of it or we want to be valued, no matter what, and we will do a lot to get it.
Our desire to be ‘enough’ for others makes us think we have to ‘sell ourselves’, to convince them that they should like and value us, want to spend time with us, be with us or create a connection. Most of all, we want them to love us. We’re afraid that we are going to be rejected, passed over, or ignored and think those are signs that we are not good enough.
However, in reality, the person who rejects us isn’t doing that because of who we are, it’s because of who they have to be in order to be with us.
They have to be at our energetic level and frequency to create a meaningful and valuable connection with us, and that can be too much for them. When seen from that perspective, we realize that we can’t sell ourselves enough to someone who knows the price of that connection is too high for them to pay.
The best and only thing we can do is to be ourselves, in every way, to be our best and shine our brightest light. When we are aligned within ourselves in this way, we can line up or be aligned with others who can be aligned with us. We don’t have to ‘sell ourselves’ to these people, they already know who we are. We don’t have to convince them of our value or worth, they can see it for themselves.
With those who are aligned with our love and value, we mirror the value in them and they mirror the value in us. The people who can align with us, who see and acknowledge our value don’t expect or want us to make extravagant promises or start from the point that we are not enough because they know that we are, just like them, perfect, whole, and complete, in every way. And if we have to do too much selling to find the love and value we want, we’re talking to the wrong people.