"My question is about what happened between me and my husband, and what I am still missing.
"Since our separation some months ago, both of us have been through a lot of internal change. I realize that all of this has been kind of a blessing for me, bringing me a lot closer to Who I Really Am and opening me up to my intuitive abilities. However, I now feel it is time to make a few decisions as to how to continue.
"Is there any sense for me to intend to bring the two of us back together - we've got children after all - or would it be better for me to move on?
"Can he be a Soul mate to me? Can we be fulfilled together with only the change of my attitudes?
"I know I'm the 'center of my universe,' and I've been through constant change aiming to make this relationship work for years. However, on earthly planes it seems we haven't had much success. We decided to stay and live close to each other for another year and take care of the kids together. I'd very much appreciate a larger overview. Thank you."
Our Beloved One,
I am saying “our” beloved one as I address you because I, Saint-Germain, am here today with Jeshua. Together we are going to talk to you about your relationship.
But first, we would like you to let go of your question. It is important that you let it go for a moment, because we are going to digress slightly at the beginning. Don’t worry. We will get back to it.
The Center of the Universe
Beloved friend, you rightly said to yourself, “I know that I am the center of my universe.”
Yes, you are the center of your universe.
As a sovereign, Soul-endowed being, you are the center of an unlimited universe of co-creative choices that you can make, along with God’s support, about how to experience your life.
However, as a human being who is still transitioning between the unconscious domination of your ego and the conscious embodiment of your Soul, you are also the center of a universe of false beliefs that you have accepted into your mind over the course of a lifetime.
You are on the verge of breaking through many of these old, limiting beliefs now.
During recent years of spiritual searching, you have tried to make sense out of your life, and out of your relationships; and at times you have felt challenged by this. It hasn’t always made sense to you.
Perhaps you have felt that you weren’t able to take charge of your life and keep it organized, either aesthetically or practically, as you often feel compelled to do; or to make any sense out of the deeper changes that are taking place within you.
Don’t feel bad or blame yourself for these feelings. Instead, consider this.
Have you ever wondered what is causing your feelings of confusion? Have you ever wondered why your quest for answers often winds up with the same, frustrating questions being asked, again and again?
Does this sound familiar?
If it does, then ask yourself this: Could it be that you are trying to make sense out of the senseless? What if this were the case?
When you allow misunderstandings about Who You Really Are to dominate your thoughts, then you will be lead around in dizzying circles. Of this, there can be no doubt.
But when you let your Divinity guide you, it will always lead you to the Truth – the truth that You Are a Child of God, and God also.
Please remember that this kind of Divine Understanding is not possible when you are reasoning (or intuiting, for that matter) from false premises about your identity.
In your case, you have been trying to make sense out of your life, your responsibilities, your children, and your partner, by using a perspective that does not represent the Truth About You – the truth about your Divinity.
You have been trying to resolve your current situation from false assumptions about Who You Are, and this has kept you feeling helpless and confused.
Who Is “The Responsible One”?
Your ego (the false you) has masked your True Identity for a very long time. The masks it uses are called sub-personalities. These are actually mistaken beliefs about your identity that seem to take on a life of their own, every time you over-identify with them.
Sub-personalities are “who you think you are.” They are not Who You Are in Truth.
One of the particular sub-personalities that is causing you problems now is called “The Responsible One.” This sub-personality commands your allegiance by convincing you that you must take care of your duties and responsibilities, before you can do anything else. It demands this of you, always at the expense of your spontaneity – your unique way of expressing joy and exuberance for life.
It is important that you reintegrate this sub-personality into the Whole of You. This is the Soul-centered you that you have chosen to embody in this lifetime.
We are telling you that you need to heal yourself from misperceptions of “duty and necessity” that have bound you for too long.
You may have become so focused on what is practical, or materially necessary or feasible in your life, that when it comes to spontaneous self-expression – feeling JOY and having FUN – you feel inhibited and unable to enjoy yourself.
You tend to postpone your joy in order to acquire the practical things you believe you need to have a stable life. This tendency may be particularly strong when it comes to those you love, especially your children – and perhaps even with your husband, when it comes to your desire to have a romantic life partner, or Soul Mate, as you call it.
Another thing that you might want to consider is the need to unblock your emotions and to express your feelings more freely. These are not necessarily the feelings of anger or frustration that you may have, or that you may express because you feel that your freedom and joy are being limited.
Instead, these are a variety of feeling states that you are denying yourself because you believe you have to be “The Responsible One.” Do you see this?
Soul Mate or Stalemate?
Let us look at your relationship with your husband – your children's father.
He is a great person. A wonderful being. He is also someone who has brought much change and many good things into your life. You ask yourself, “How is it possible that I might not want to be with him now?”
When you focus on the good things about him, as well as the feelings that originally brought you together, you wonder, “Could he be my Soul mate, after all? Am I abandoning this by stepping out of my relationship with him?”
But you can also feel that the relationship, as you have known it, is coming to a halt. You feel that you need to look at the bigger picture of your life; not just at the relationship with this man.
Perhaps it is no longer serving you to relate to each other as husband and wife, at least in the ways that you have defined it until now. When you look at things this way, all you see is a history of your respective moves in a game of “Relationship Chess” that has brought you to the feeling of stalemate. Stalemate – a situation in which no one can move any more, and no one wins. Game over.
Soul Mate or stalemate? What is going on here?
We are asking you this question as a response to your original request from us. Feel into this, please. What were you actually asking us, when you made this request? What were you actually calling into question here?
And perhaps more importantly, who was asking the question?
Was it you, in full and conscious awareness of your Divinity?
Or was it you, trying to be someone else, perhaps “The Responsible One"?
Were you trying to be responsible for everyone and everything – for yourself, your children, their father, and your husband? Were you trying to make sure that no mistakes were made? That everything would work out perfectly? That nothing, and no one would be slighted, unattended, or unforgiven for past transgressions?
Ask yourself this: Is your need to feel safe and secure now, and to share this feeling of safety and security with your children, somehow influencing your perception of things?
Are you so determined to have a world that is perfectly ordered, that you are unable to decide who you are, or who your husband may really be?
“I know that things have gotten bad,” you say to yourself, “but what if he is really my Frog Prince?
“What if he is my Soul mate; someone who does not mean to disappoint me, but who is only bewitched and forgetful of this, instead? What shall I do? How can I break this spell?”
“I know I am meant to live a splendid life, and enjoy a wonderful relationship, too. I have done everything I can to be responsible about this. So, why can’t I seem to make it happen?”
Yes, Beloved One, your confusion and frustration can be great, especially when you compel yourself to be “The Responsible One.” And especially when you feel responsible for having everything work out perfectly in your life, and in the lives of those around you.
My Dear, know this – Perfection is no one’s responsibility.
You cannot create the perfect life, the perfect relationship, or the perfect environment for yourself, your husband, or your children. Nor can you enforce, impose, organize, or arrange this by your own efforts, no matter how hard you might try.
The “experience of perfection” that you seek from life does not come from responsibly attending to your needs and duties, or from seeing to it that everyone else you count upon fulfills their obligations, too.
The experience of perfection that you desire cannot be ordered or arranged in the physical world around you, as you have tried to do in the past. Instead, it comes from allowing yourself to experience the world within your heart. This is a world that is inherently Perfect, Just As It Is, as you have rightly guessed.
Seek First Within
So, what is going on then?
Well, beyond these questions that your ego keeps bringing to the surface for you, there is something worth appreciating and listening to. It is your knowing. Your Inner Knowing is the place of perfection within your heart, of which we have spoken. It is a place of still quietness, where you have all the answers to your questions.
Your question is not about your husband being your Soul Mate, or whether he is the “one” or not. Nor is it about you changing your attitudes further. We could answer each of your questions with “Yes.” But then, we would only be answering your ego. This will do you no good, because the ego will never be satisfied with any answer that is given. All the ego knows how to do, is ask questions about a world it fundamentally does not understand. It will never be satisfied.
So, whenever you find yourself having these doubts, or feeling like you are enveloped in a fog of confusion, stop for a moment and feel. Go deep inside and re-connect to your heart’s Essence. Feel your Soul pulsing with the rhythm of your heart. Listen to each beat... and listen to your breath following that beat. Listen to it long enough, until you feel quiet and peaceful.
Your mind will not need to inquire about anything, when your heart already knows the answer before the question is asked.
Your heart does know this: That the ideal mate you seek – your Soul Mate – is not beyond you, but within you.
It IS your Soul. Your Soul is the perfect partner for you.
Your Soul is nothing less than God’s Perfect Love For You.
When your overriding desire is to merge with your Soul first, then all your earthly unions will be blessed by this purpose. It is unavoidable. But if you continue to force or expect your unions on Earth to satisfy the Inner Calling of the Soul for you, then you can’t help but feel disappointed in yourself and in your partners.
Inner Knowing is the gift of grace that comes to you as you choose to remember your Divinity. When you accept this gift unconditionally, without hesitation and in total surrender of the egos’ desires, then your heart beats to the rhythm of True Love, and the whisperings of your Soul become impossible to ignore.
In these moments, your Soul will tell you that in this Universe, the center of All That Is, is you – it is your innermost, God Self; and it is as close to you as the air you breathe.
Your heart knows how to recognize your God Self. It is the Loving Essence that flows within you like a river, and that then moves outward toward the world to quench all who would be satisfied by it. Feel this, and then go beyond your beliefs. Listen to the gentle beating of your heart, and it will tell you this.
When the rhythm of your heart is calm, your mind is steady, and you have sought first the Partner Within, which is your Soul, then you will have reached a point where sharing your Divinity with another person will be a natural and spontaneous occurrence.
When this happens, many call this an encounter with a Soul Mate. But we prefer to call it “sharing your Divinity” with full awareness.
What happens is this…
As you come to recognize the fundamental truth of your Divinity, and the reality of the Divine that dwells in others, too, then you come to understand that Divinity is the only thing that you can share with another. This is the only real thing you can share with another person because What You Truly Are IS Divine. You are a Child of God, and God also. This is the Truth About You.
Everything else you have is worldly and can potentially be lost to another, or so you may fear. But when you agree to share What You Truly Are in a relationship, you can never lose this; and that is why you can share it without fear. Do you see this?
This is why sharing God’s Love for you, and your love for each other, is such a marvelous and incorruptible experience. Divine Love IS What You Are! And it is All You Have to share.
Trust, dear friend.
Trust, and you will find yourself coming closer and closer to that point of sharing your Divinity with someone else, Someone whose heart beats rhythmically with your own. Don't force it, don't try to change anything about the way you are. You are perfect, Just As You Are. But you knew this already, didn’t you?
With each step that you take hand-in-hand with your Soul, walking in rhythm to the Love that beats within your heart, you will see who is attracted to you. You will see who responds to this rhythm, and to this heartbeat.
No effort is required, and not even a struggle. Just listen and observe, without judging, and without imposing your expectations upon who should respond or how.
Then you will see yourself stepping out of this stalemate/Soul Mate dilemma. You will see yourself living with ease, in a flow that has the Real You, your Divinity, at the center of all your experiences.
Yes, you will be able to realize that you are the center of your Universe, and you will be able to take all the steps that are necessary to stay there. It will no longer be about the duties and obligations that you may feel toward yourself or others. Instead, it will be about you, and your JOY. It will be about allowing this in a way that is healthy and sane for you.
As you consciously and lovingly assume your place at the center of your own universe of happiness, without placing any unnecessary demands on yourself or others, then you will see that your decisions are not so difficult to make after all.
And your concerns about finding a Soul mate will dissolve into a growing willingness to share your experience of Divinity with someone who can respond to you at this level.
We are your friends, Saint-Germain, Jeshua, Alexandra and Dan. And you are dearly loved.
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