Unfriended! And That's All Right By Me

A friend of mine recently told me that he had been 'unfriended' on Facebook by someone he once cared for. While this gesture saddened him, he knew that it was the final goodbye in a relationship that had run its course. I told him that he had to honor this person's choice and accept that they had gone as far as they could together. He would find new friends. And it made me think about my own recent 'unfriended' experiences.

Two people who were very close to me recently unfriended me for reasons I do not understand but since both incidents happened after I refused to do something for them, I assume that I am no longer their Facebook friend because my decision interferes with the role they want me to play in their life. And I have to admit that it is a role I have played for many years, being their friend, rescuer, supporter, the shoulder they cry on when they need one and the person they turn to when they have an emotional or financial problem.

But when they weren't in need I was the invisible person in their life, an optional accessory they could use at will. And when I turned down the most recent opportunity to offer help and support, they let me know that my presence was no longer required. And that's all right by me.  

Facebook is the new way in which we relate to people and it has become the new measure of social popularity. If we have lots of friends (disregard the fact that we may not know most of them) we are considered popular. Fewer friends means we aren't 'with it'. But these anonymous friendships also offer the opportunity to end a friendship with the click of the 'unlike' button. Presto, we are no longer friends. No muss, no fuss, no drama or uncomfortable conversations.

If this is someone we like it can be upsetting. But we can offer our gratitude to those people who take the 'unfriend' step because they are letting us know that we no longer have to fulfill our role in their life. We are not socially undesirable to everyone, just to them. Is this an insult? I consider it a blessing. The people who decide they no longer want us in their life do so because (as was in my case), we are no longer useful to them. While that may sound harsh, it is true. When we do not fulfill specific roles for them, they can't get what they want from us on an energetic level. So we are free and they can find someone else who will meet those needs.

What if everyone you support, befriend, are an emotional or financial anchor for and rescuer of suddenly told you they no longer wanted you in their life? Would you be happy or sad?

Chances are you would be relieved, maybe a little bit happy and perhaps even a little sad because after all you have done for them that they can so easily write you out of their life is upsetting. But there is an upside.

In my case, I am glad to be relieved of my self imposed role in their lives. So I am grateful to those who unfriended me because I was feeling very used and unappreciated. My time and energy investments were enormous and I never received anything in return. In fact, it is perfectly all right that I no longer feel obligated to be the giver in these relationships because that frees me on so many levels and allows me to create new friendships that are more energetically balanced and fulfilling.  

Now being relieved and somewhat happy about this is a new paradigm for me. There was a time when I wanted to be part of their life and to have their approval. And I made many personal sacrifices to do that. But I just don't want to do that any more because I have cleared those connections, released that karma and I want all of my relationships to reflect my level of spiritual growth and the healing and transformation work that I have done.

Do you have friends (and family) who take from you without giving you anything in return? Are there people in your life who treat you like an optional accessory -- you're there when they need you and you are not when they don't? Who meets your needs and really cares that they are fulfilled? Who insists that you meet their needs, no matter what is convenient, right or best for you?

What if you 'unfriended' them? Would you be relieved, sad, happy or feel guilty?

In September's first newsletter I wrote that this was a time for us to get clear on what we wanted in our life and that includes the people we will interact with as well as how we want others to treat us.

Make a list of the people who love, honor and respect you. Then make a second list of those who take advantage of you, are needy, demanding and who take but never give you anything in return. Which list do you want to keep as your friends? Focus on releasing the relationships that do not serve you and then let them find their way to the door. They will be replaced by people who can be your true friends.
  
Stay calm, focused, detached and aware and remember your thoughts are creating every moment of your life. Think the best ones. 
  
As you ponder this and the other things that are happening at this time (Mercury is finally out of retrograde, so it's time to move forward now), remember to:
  
Accept all gifts of understanding with gratitude and use them to apply forgiveness, release and healing to every situation.
Ask for guidance and confirmation and then wait for it to come to you.

Above all, be grateful for this opportunity to be part of humanity's amazing shift in consciousness as we all ascend into the miracle vibration.

Many blessings in these miraculous and amazing times,
Jennifer Hoffman

Comments

FutureNow 29th September 2010 5:58 am

delete your facebook account I suggest-- Is facebook real? or is it imaginary friends on your screen? is facebook the way people have come to be? Is it the only way they communicate with what they call "friends"? Maybe people can delete facebook and take a walk in the park instead and meet new friends or go visit an old friend---someone "in the flesh"and have a real interaction with a "friend"
the computer is a great way to get information but have people made the computer the way they experience relationships???
Even picking up the phone is more real for there is a connection between two Beings in the now...

ctoader_99@yahoo.com 29th September 2010 7:31 am

that's all right with me...if not on the same page anymore, time to move on to new experiences

and still, i wonder why people who used to share love and friendship come to this "dead end" point where they "unfriend"...why the love and friendship end ?!
is friendship and love like a pair of new shoes that you wear and then, of course, after a time, you have to leave them behind and move to new 'shoes'...?

i am currently trying to accept and understand this "reality" but to be honnest, i am very confused...
in MY Reality love and frienship never end - i have to cope with this 'other reality' where they end every day

it's not about respecting other people decision, it's about having a difficult time understainding WHY this happens...and i mean the REAL reason WHY...
does anybody know the answer...?

Vision Hawk 29th September 2010 8:11 am

In a place that we all know that is probably not here, we can remain loving friends.
However, sometimes it is difficult to let go, even when we are no longer a vibrational match. Perhaps we have invested so much in the other that we can't bear to lose them. Or perhaps our beliefs are so entwined in our expectations?

I speak because I have just 'unfriended' one who is and always will be my beloved. But as Neal Donald Walsch once said ... "if you choose not to put up with the behaviour of another, then your' one option is to leave the room".

I have left the room.

For some time I had hoped that the option of remaining loving friends was possible. But when the relationship has had previous magic, then there is a natural inclination to want to go back there....even when the other has moved on.

I truly hope this has been of some assistance with the weighty question you posed.....:)

toddm 29th September 2010 8:26 am

facebook is a disease..i(+2 friends) started an account as a joke and an exercise in ego..we made up this fake spiritual name and in two weeks had over 500 friends.Jennifer Hoffman you were one of the friends strangely enough..considering no one knew this person was proof that facebook is all about the ego.the need to have all these friends when realy how many are friends?..FACEBOOK IS CANCER(+i dont mean thats its star sign).. it takes over peoples lives to the point where they are looking at strangers photos and everyone knows everything they do and say..big yawn.. a toy for teenagers perhaps..but for adults its just plain old sad..

Tulim 29th September 2010 8:59 am

I don't have a Facebook account, so my post has nothing to do with it.

I think that Jennifer's letter is also relevent for real life relationship.

What is interesting for me in this moment in time, is that these cleansing of relationship happen to me, even if I wouldn't want it.

I decided consciously in the past about changing adapting or ending a relationship due to vibration or similar consciousness patterns.

But now, it seems the external reality is taking care of that on it's own: everything is cleansed without me having to make any effort. It is sometimes painful for me and sometimes I feel lighter.

I'm of the type to always be there for people and do a lot. Recently I asked for some help to these "reciever", but I got just a big "No". I felt like victim...then I laughed and I saw that this was the signal for me to go on from these relationship. In some way, they did release me. And as Jennifer say, i feel indeed relieved.

Thanks for you message, Jennifer.

Tulim

K.K. 29th September 2010 9:29 am

Jennifer, your articles have been so helpful to me lately, especially this one. 3 of my family members have "dismissed" me over the past few months. This has caused such a deep hurt in my heart for I haven't understood it. I now do, I see I haven't been supporting them energetically for a while now and this is their reaction to it. Understanding this is so enlightening and uplifting for me, and I am OK with it now.

Thank you SO MUCH for being in tune with assisting by sharing your stories.

Hugs,

Karen

COBALT 29th September 2010 9:52 am

No FB for me!!! :smitten:

RealityCheck 29th September 2010 11:27 am

I don't think FB is about the ego unless you make it that way. A lot of people are isolated and this gives them an outlet of expression. I've met quite a few people who cannot leave their house and communicating with other like beings have brought in a sense of connection.

Whatever your intentions is with it, is what FB will be about. Just because you have many connections doesn't mean anything. One message of love may reach in to one lonely soul.

I don't look who disconnects or connects, my purpose is to finally talk with others about life, goodness, love, joy, sharing and caring. The news/media has programmed many people in our lives to only focus on the negative, fear and worry.

I've never met so many people who believe in God, angels, love.

__________________
My miracles will not change your mind. Be open to receive your own miracles, then we will be together on the same thought wave of love.

Rise Above It 29th September 2010 12:01 pm

Thank you so much for your message. It helped shine an even brighter light on issues I've been working on since late November 2003. At that time, I discovered that my definition of the word "friend" did not match my experiences with those I considered friends, and began making changes. Then I took it one step further and stopped labeling. It felt like the right step to take toward Oneness.

Butterfly

Bookladi 29th September 2010 12:25 pm

I thought the point to this article is about who we are connected with, in our relationships.
Are we in mutually nourishing friendships, or are they out of balance? Do our friends respect and understand us? Are we are on the same page?
Or, are we giving and doing for someone constantly and we are involved in their drama too much, and then the other person ends up resenting us? These unhealthy, unbalanced relationships have no place in this energy.
I am surprised, that Jennifer would even be involved in friendships that placed her in the position she describes. It's never about the "other person" anyway, our relationships and friendships are always about us. The mirror is shining brightly.
Facebook is not necessarily for friendship, it is for connecting on a higher lever, through light, which is the SHARING OF INFORMATION. For people to come together through like mindedness and share ideas, thoughts and beliefs. We can find real and true friends in person. Use FB for keeping up on thought waves and news and raising our consciousness. Connecting on a different level.

Ron Laswell 29th September 2010 12:42 pm

Jennifer, you speak so clearly about something that also has happened to me. Not the Facebook, thing, but having a close relationship of 30 years just disappear. Ironically, it also happened on the Eclipse of July 12th - a major point of karmic release. The event was so quick that it was as if someone had flipped a light switch. In looking at each other, both of us realized that we had absolutely nothing in common anymore. Vibrationally, she was going one way, and I could no longer follow her on that path as it would have meant a denial of who I am. Only by living in the past could we have stayed together. That day, it was painful. We still talk and express concern for each others welfare, but as you indicate, I released the energy, and any potential negativity about it, and I welcome the greater loving space and lightness that I now feel within my heart. Also, ironically, I realize that I have had more friends that I had previously realized. With joy on my face and in my heart, I am welcoming a new world!

sajade 29th September 2010 2:55 pm

From Lester Levenson

Love is a feeling of givingness with no thought of receiving anything in return for it. Love is the natural inherent state of man. It is impossible to get love - only by loving can one feel love. Love is a freeing of the other one - loving the other one because they are the way they are. Love is trust. Love is what everyone is seeking with every act. Most people mistake ego approval for love. Because it is not love it is not satisfying. Consequently one continuously needs and demands it and this produces only frustration. People need each other and think it is love. There is no fencing in of the other one when one loves. Human love does not want to share its love with other but rather wants its own personal satisfaction. Real love wants to share its love and the more it is shared the more joyous it is. There is no longing for in love because longing is separation. True Love is unconditional - in true love one loves even those who oppose him. Love is the answer to all problems. When love is complete the problem disappears.

Peaceful Path 29th September 2010 5:52 pm

Wow - this seems to have touched a lot of us.
I feel like you've peeked into my life and made some astute observations I needed to hear.
I and a friend have recently been "unfriended" by someone we were once very close to and it's unsettling. But you are so right in reminding us that we are happiest when we align with those who share our current vibration.
Isn't it interesting how the emotions of High School pop up decades later :-\\\\

angelika 30th September 2010 3:28 am

Hi Jennifer,
thank you for this reminder. Never mind that it's our ego that gets upset or feels unloved or that we create these situations on some level, it hurts none the less to be pushed away by others. We all have to start somewhere on our journey to unconditional love, and it usually starts by finding ways to deal with these kind of situations/ issues involved and come out stronger and just this little bit more confident.
About 10 years ago most of my family stopped communicating with me, one reason given was that it was my choice to live in a different country to were they live. Although, looking back it was when I became more seriously interested in this spiritual journey. When I started talking about Reiki/Seichem, TaiChi etc it was like a foreign language to them and bit by bit I got dropped like a hot potato.
To start with it hurt a lot and caused a lot of confusion.

The truth is though, family or not, we've got nothing to say to each other. The important thing for me is that I've made peace with it, I love them and I'm happy to let them be.

Vanessa Burger 30th September 2010 4:02 am

Thank You For sharing! My sisters deleted me & hubby as friends last year, as i spoke up about being USED @ their(the whole family FATHER incl.)will, was tired of being the local HOTEL & soo much more. It happened early Feb. last year, and i felt relieved, yet the ego does like to play with our emotions. I did try & resolve, it was very conditional, I had to choose between my good husband vs. my family, that was easy for me to do ...they just drain me of my good energies...IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE.....yet a great part of me felt HUGE RELIEF, & then there is always that niggly feeling ... "after everything i've done for them...how can they abandoned me like this?" Now i understand.... they can no longer get what they want out of me so.... they no longer need me...FREE AT LAST...when we do resolve this (as this is an on & off thing with us....whenever i speak up... i get ABOLISHED) IT WILL BE THE LAST....I AM MANIFESTING THIS....ONCE & FOR ALL & if its not meant to be ... SO BE IT.... I love my Freedom & So it is

bjones5 30th September 2010 11:45 am

Jennifer you have done it AGAIN! Right on target with things going on for us now!
Thanks for this post, it reinforced my feelings on this topic.
The part that is the most difficult for me is the pretending that went on with these pple. They went to great lengths to "fake" their way into my heart, then when I no longer filled the need they had, that sure disappeared in a hurry!:)
My ego pokes me real hard sometimes and I want to lash out and say,,,,WAIT JUST A MINUTE here,,,seriously, you can just walk away just like that?? I take friendship very much to heart, and it's a huge thing to me, but overall, it IS a relief, because I know it wasn't real to begin with.
Thanks again Jennifer, you're Awesome!!

Asager 30th September 2010 3:10 pm

Thank you Jennifer, This last week I have had to face the thought that I need to let go of my best friend. 12 years ago I found my best friend and husband together in my home. I was so devistated that I could lose my best friend and husband at once, that I blamed my husband and made excuses for my bestest, as she had just lost her son in accident. Now it is raising it's head for me to deal with. I cannot go any further on my spiritual quest without dealing with it. I wrote down what I would say to her if I could. My mind nearly fainted when I knew I would have to confront her. You see I have always turned the other way in my life, and never confronted anything. This is the hardest thing I have to do. I begged God to take this from me, but I knew this was my time to take back that piece of me she has had for 40 years. Its time to take back my power. My mind is searching for a way out, but I talk to my mind and calm it down. This is the final big push in my rebirthing, and most painful. Thank you Jennifer, that you wrote about this right now when I am struggling.

angelika 1st October 2010 2:55 am

Hi Asager,
I've been through equally tough situations and there is often a lot of yes but, yes but going on in the mind, especially worrying on how best to resolve these things.

What helped me a lot was a prayer by Doreen Virtue,were we call upon our guardian angel to talk to the guardian angels of specific people we're dealing with to help resolve issues as peaceful as possible and for the highest good of all.

It's brought about miracles for me. It still hasn't worked fully with my family (as far as I'm aware, seeing as they're not talking to me ;))- but with a whole host of situations it's helped me to react better and has probably made it possible for the other person(s)to be more receptable. Sometimes I didnt' even have to do or say anything.

Might be worth a try. One thing is for sure - you will come out of this situation stronger, more confident and feeling good about yourself.

Love & Blessings

ljordan 1st October 2010 11:47 pm

Thank you for such an insightful and thought provoking article. Since July I have been trying to put into perspective and real life 'Unfriended' situation. Your article has helped me to see things in a different light and I Thank You! :)

All my best
ljordan

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Uriel Heals

Uriel Heals

The Archangel Uriel is here to help humanity through the Shift in Consciousness by interacting with us as we shift into higher dimensions of consciousness. Uriel, one of the seven Archangels that stand at the throne of the Creator, is known as the "Light of God" and governs the Mental Plane.

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