Many of you have children who do not seem as loving as you would like. Yet we continue to state that you baby boomers are building the bridge to the New Age for your children and grandchildren. Such thought appear to be a dichotomy. Have you ever thought that your children’s displays of the lack of love for others is more about their inability to leave the nest than an actual lack of love? Even though that statement is a generalization, it is not that far off for many.
The rebellious teen-age years of your youth is a somewhat new concept for earth. Did your history books not discuss how teenagers in past generations were considered full adults? Your generation was the first to dedicate a five-year span to rebellion. That span has been extended to the point where adulthood is a far vista for many of your 20, 30 and even 40-year-old children. You have allowed the rebellion and yes, selfishness, of your teen years to extend far beyond what your parents accepted as “normal.”
Why would you do something that both inhibited your retirement and your children’s adulthood? Very simply – you truly are “love children” and continue to hold dear, “love not war.” Do you see how those concepts played into your child-rearing practices?
Are such actions bad? Not at all for those actions have forced you to review how you disseminate love, and your children to wonder who is responsible for their lives. In a sense, you have placed both generations in a prison – you continued the victim and caretaker roles far beyond what was necessary. But you did so because you had so much love within you that could not be displayed in the work-a-day arena or with your parents in the same fashion as is now true for your children.
Please rest assured that you have imbued your children with love. A love that is merely waiting to be displayed in the work and family arenas. But before that love can be displayed, you must negate your victim role. Now is that not a silly statement for when we first mentioned victim and caretaker roles, you assumed you were the caretaker. Not at all. You baby boomers are the victims. Not because your children are mean or cruel, but because you have encouraged them to remain attached to you far beyond what is necessary – and such attachments have increasingly curtailed your freedom.
Your children have more freedom than you do by far. They fall or fail and you rescue them as you have done since their birth. They, in turn, have become “helicopter parents” thinking that child rearing never ends. There are many “Peter Pans” who now have children of their own.
This discussion is about love – which of course is the theme of the New Age. The piece that you baby boomers, and now your adult children, need to adjust and adapt is the ability to let go. You have perhaps read of love as a concept that allows total freedom. Such is true. But that is not how you raised your children. Because you needed to display your love somewhere, you targeted your children. They, in turn, extended that love even further. So that the three generations are so enmeshed in love, they no longer have the freedom to grow.
Did your parents not push you out of the nest shortly after or even before you reached your mid-twenties? Did you not expect to find a job and maintain it with little or no assistance from your parents? Yet, do you not continue to assist your adult children with loans, baby-sitting, vacations, homes and whatever else they desire?
It is time for all three generations to fly. Such is not possible if you baby boomers continue to hover over both following generations. Allow them the same freedoms to fail and start over that you were allowed – a gift far greater than any financial or personal assistance.
Freedom is a key to the New Age. And love is not possible without the freedom to create the life you want. Allow your children and grandchildren that freedom. They are fully aware of your love. In fact, they often chafe under your love for that love comes with attached strings most important of which is, “You must take care of me emotionally and by doing so, negate some of your areas of interest, your freedom to be.”
Is it a power struggle? Most definitely. Are you in control of their love? Not at all. Love does not include power struggles, care taking or victim hood. Love is the freedom to be. Encourage – some of you may even need to force – your children and grandchildren to leave the nest.
Now is this not a cruel blog for the most loving holiday season of the year? Some of you will breathe a sigh of relief. “I can let go. My children are as capable of caring for themselves as I was at their age.”
Others of you will kick and scream at the thought. Not because you necessarily want to keep bailing your children out, but because you feel that without those ties you will not have any way to express your love.
Enter the New Age. The Age of love and freedom. Your love and caring has initiated the New Age. Now allow yourself, your children and your grandchildren to enjoy it by cutting those attachment strings, so that all three generations have the freedom to be. That is when all three generations will finally understand and embrace love…and the New Age.
So be it. Amen
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