NO!

Dear Ones,

You are clarifying your being and direction – not always an easy task for you are used to pleasing others, doing a tap dance of society rightness, despite misgivings about how that society rightness might affect you. You are discovering it is too uncomfortable not to be you – no matter the consequences.

Until now, most of you tip-toed around your feelings and how you wished to function.

The past few days, many of you discovered personal cover-ups are no longer possible. That if you betray your inner being, you physical or emotional body creates a discomfort informing you that you have gone astray.

A discomfort you once easily hid from yourself.

You used to function within the parameters of rightness created by others with few after effects other than boredom or gossiping with others how uncomfortable you were.

Such is no longer true. You cannot tolerate moving off your path to care for others more than yourself. You are discovering the angst of doing what others expect is deeper than any angst you once felt for not being what others wanted.

New you is a transformation far beyond what you imagined. You assumed you would transition bit by bit with none other than you being the wiser. Such is no longer true.

And those who assume you are the you they were comfortable with or that you will do what they request because you always have, are as surprised as you at your new positions.

You no longer find the need to appease others at your expense. Something you were so comfortable with in 3D – yet another form of caretaking.

You are you, and others are who they are becoming. Delineations as surprising to you as much as anyone.

Perhaps you are concerned that few, if any, will wish to be with you as you continue your new path. Even though we would like to report that thousands will be enamored of your new being, you are in uncharted territory.

You are learning to love yourself despite what others think or feel. Something you have never attempted while of the earth without earning the label of egocentric.

So it is you are not pleasing to those who wish to continue the dynamics established before new you emerged. And so it is most of you are doing so which does not allow for much interweaving of group rightness at this moment.

The best description is of two pre-schoolers wanting the same sand pail. Each child is focused on the sand pail with little concern whether the other child likes them before, during or after. It is only the observing parent who attempts to negotiate a compromise between the two pre-schoolers.

Right now, you are one of those two pre-schoolers not that interested in compromise as you discover what gives you joy.

Many of you do not like that image for was it not just days ago that you were labeled new you adults? And so you are. But you are an adult in training – overcoming negotiations that you are, “to be nice, be part of the group, do what you are told.”

No longer an easy task as you divest yourself of one belief after another. Beliefs you do not necessarily realize you have until you are forced to make a decision about who you are, instead of what others need or want.

You are cutting to the core of your new you being. And as you do so, you are discovering elements of your totality that just need to say, “NO.” You are also discovering new interests and roles that did not interest you before.

You are a new being in your physical shell. The only piece that remains of 3D you is your appearance – and even that is shifting a bit.

You are a new being within causing, sometimes even forcing, you to move in directions you did not think possible or wanted to think possible a mere few months ago.

You are claiming you – just as predicted, but not necessarily as you expected. New you is much more clearly defined than was true of 3D you – or throughout this transition until now.

Not only are you uncomfortable now not being who you are, you can no longer do so. Something that both amazes and frightens you. For there is no parent to negotiate for you. There are not others patting you on your back confirming how right you are – for they are too busy discovering themselves. There is only you following inner directions not always comfortable in terms of what you have come to expect of yourself, but always true to who you have become.

That trueness to yourself is your beacon of light for those who follow.

No longer are there those hazy lines that 3D you was so comfortable with, “I will do this, so my friend will reciprocate when I need something from him.”

Your life is no longer a compromise. It is, “This is who I am. I would love to have you in my life, but I cannot be who you want me to be to remain in your life.”

Now you are perhaps frightened. Does such a change mean you will be more isolated than you have been? Not in the long-term, but perhaps in the immediate future. For some of your decisions will not please those who continue to be of 3D or even those discovering themselves.

It is not your responsibility to make others comfortable at your expense. You have done so for eons out of fear.

Now that you are learning to love yourself, you are moving to your drummer without concerns of the outcome – just as is true for pre-schoolers fighting over a sand pail before an adult intervenes. In a sense, you are now moving through the “terrible twos” of your new being as you claim what you have given away emotionally, physically and spiritually for eons to be of the earth.

You are you in all your glory. Allow that to be. And allow the same for others. You cannot live someone’s life for them, nor can they do so for you.

And if you discover that others want to tame you, shift you, change you, apologize for you or any other aspect that tells you are not the glorious being that you are, you will most likely move on with or without an explanation of why. For many explanations are merely 3D you trying to fit in.

You have shifted beyond that and it is time for you to acknowledge that for yourself and others. So be it. Amen.

Tags:

Comments

Paula Boylan 24th May 2016 11:18 am

Right on time Brenda :)

This was my exact experience yesterday! I committed to doing a bi-weekly (Monday) podcast from June 2015 to December 2016. This activity doesn't feel right for me anymore.

Yesterday I awoke and decided...it is a holiday in Canada and I will not/can not take time away from my backyard oasis to participate in something which no longer resonates. I sent off an email advising I would be enjoying the holiday and they would have to play a previously recorded show. The need to follow my inner directive was undeniable. Guilt, should's....none of it mattered more than me following my heart and soul's yearning. Long term commitments don't resonate anymore. I can commit for this moment, but don't want to make promises I may not be able to honour tomorrow.
It is truly a new day on planet Earth. It is a very freeing feeling indeed!

Thank you for sharing your connection with the same information.
Paula

Deeni 24th May 2016 1:36 pm

Thank You, Brenda.

I am very grateful for this message.

I have been feeling more and more like I felt when I was a kid.

The air seems different, the sun, the clouds, the colours seem different. I seem different.

I am suppose to move, by June 1st, I haven't packed a thing, and I am still looking for a place. I too enjoyed this past weekend, as I am Canadian as well, and I truly enjoyed it. I didn't do much of anything, and I was very happy, and at peace.

I truly believe that where I am guided to be next, I will get there, no resistance. So, I'm just keeping the connection open, and following my heart.

Much Love, Light and Inner Peace to All. :)

Brenda Hoffman 24th May 2016 4:15 pm

Hi Paula,
You have to be so proud of yourself! I've received reports of others ending 30+ year friendships and even one European mayor redirecting her attention to those items close to her heart instead of what could be more politically astute.

My action was deciding to terminate my tenure on a nonprofit foundation created to help a local middle school. After voicing my concerns directly and honestly, the Chair was gracious enough to shift my assignments to better fit my interests.

And so it goes as we grow into new us - often one unique heartfelt step or action at a time!
Blessings, Lots of Love and Creation Sparkles,
Brenda

Brenda Hoffman 24th May 2016 4:23 pm

Hi Deeni,
YES!!!!!!!! I didn't have very much planned last week, and I have similar plans this week. Interruptions to my just chilling and listening to the birds seem SOOO intrusive lately.

Isn't it delightful to wake up thinking that summer will last forever, and we can just be - just as we were when we were youngsters in school?
Blessings, Lots of Love and Creation Sparkles,
Brenda

kitegirlcoach 24th May 2016 6:25 pm

I've had a good example of that with a friend from many years. The last 3 times I spoke to him, it was me ringing to see how he was doing. He spent each conversation complaining that I wasn't ringing often enough. In the end he said "You're a spiritual woman. You're meant to know when I needed you. I was going through such hard times and you didn't even notice. You didn't call, you let me down. I'm really disappointed." ... something along those lines anyway.

My view was very much like the terrible twos. I just didn't care - which surprised me. I wasn't so rude as to say "up yer bum" as I was thinking but, I did point out he had not rung to see how I was for a very long time. He suggested by text message we should get together, I said fine, where and when? He mumbled something about being over in my neighbourhood soon. I said "Great, I look forward to sharing some laughs with you". In other words, don't contact me unless you're laughing.

That was a while ago now. He hasn't called and I have been sharing laughs with others.

Deeni 24th May 2016 6:50 pm

What is truly different is I am now telling my 14 year old to lighten up. Even the attitude doesn't seem to phase me anymore. My focus is happiness. My happiness. I have always had animals make a bee line for me, although lately, it has ramped up quite a bit.

And I have had children, out of the blue, acknowledging me, making sure they tell me hello. Twice last week, I had a toddler, and another child about seven years old, say hello to me. As I am so use to being in the background and going very much unnoticed, I didn't realize they were addressing me. When I did realize it though, I responded very cheerily indeed. Recently, I have had people unabashedly staring at me. I just smile, and go about my business.

It feels great to walk around smiling all of the time . . . : )

debs go lightly 24th May 2016 9:27 pm

Hi Brenda, thank you, I love this message :) My world looks the same, but I feel so different. I became aware of 'new' me and then went through odd angry 'clean out' stuff. Now I feel kind of powerful but really shy. I have made a couple of "NO!" choices. This is not new to me but the depth of it is. One "NO!" was without giving explanation, which felt really hard, but was appropriate. The other "NO!" was more direct and I took time to be as kind as I possibly could - I am nervous of the possible repercussions, but I am so over playing 'nice' in order to keep the peace. What kind of 'peace' was that anyway? Not my kind of peace! It's true, that squirmy feeling inside can no longer be ignored.... I keep trusting that as I direct my energy in ways that 'truthfully' resonate within, my outer world will shift and keep manifesting a joy filled life.

"It is not your responsibility to make others comfortable at your expense" Amen to that!

Kudos to you Brenda for your "NO!" action :)

Much love and happiness, Debs

spiritdiver 25th May 2016 1:39 am

You are claiming you!!

Yep. And just viewing your tittle of this "No!", made me smile, in the synconicity of your message..

Just this weekend a boyfriend I have been off and on with for over a year. I found myself saying out load to his rediculous Ego 3D behavior, exactly was my response, a resounding.."No. NO. NO! : ) Aparently 3 times (for me getting it anyway) did the trick. Next day I sent him packing.

I think all the cosmos and planets with the Mars retrograde and Mercury in conjunction just advancing out of retrograde the same day had a hand in this necessary final clearing and claiming, final purification time in me.

"Your life is no longer a compromise. It is, “This is who I am."

These were basically the same lines I was expressing in my claim. Along with, "I deserve to offer and be appreciated fully for me", and "No blame just a diconnect in you and me and what I desire, and will give and recieve freely..and i will be!"

Thanks Brenda! Your communications are such a liberating confidence in us! Good team! :laugh

spiritdiver 25th May 2016 1:59 am

Oh, and I definately resonated with that "sometimes forcing you in directions" I often now feel the force of soul driving me in-to my greater purpose and alignment to creation-- towards my dreams. Feels very Uranus like in aid, of this incredible lifting in change and generating new direction in a minute, before i know it as well. But looking back it always proves to know best. Follow that inner guidance!!

In a phrase, .. Its more than a swoosh of loving compulsion. :smitten:

spiritdiver 25th May 2016 2:10 am

Btw- the phrase just came, directly from spirit.

With love,

luckydanielle 25th May 2016 10:09 am

Dear Brenda,

Thank you for these words. They (as usual!) resonate deep within me. I'm having a problem with feeling guilty about this because I've been involved in the local social justice community for a while now, and my close friends (and sister) are active participants as well. However, I have been drawn to much more solo time, with a greater focus on pursuing art/writing. Also, the angry rhetoric within the community seems to make me shrink. I don't know how to withdraw without appearing apathetic to the plight of others around me. Any words would be appreciated. Thank you again.

Brenda Hoffman 25th May 2016 11:03 am

Hi Annabelle,
It's just amazing the number of people who have communicated similar stories to me the past few days. Isn't it amazing how easily and seemingly effortlessly we're releasing caretaking and resulting victimization? Something many of us have been in angst about for a long time only to have it just happen from within. YAY for you Annabelle - and all of us who are moving beyond the fears and shoulds of yesterday!
Blessings, Lots of Love and Creation Sparkles,
Brenda

Brenda Hoffman 25th May 2016 11:05 am

Dear Deeni,
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're letting your happy beacon shine and those not conditioned to 3D shoulds and have tos sense it!
Blessings, Lots of Love and Creation Sparkles,
Brenda

Brenda Hoffman 25th May 2016 11:08 am

Hi Debs,
Kudos to us all!!! We're finally feeling what we've known for some time intellectually "It is not your responsibility to make others comfortable at your expense."

Learning to truly trust and love ourselves - probably the most difficult lesson of this transition.
Blessings, Lots of Love and Creation Sparkles,
Brenda

Brenda Hoffman 25th May 2016 11:11 am

Hi Spiritdiver,
It's time to be - and we're doing it with gusto and tons of self-honesty (finally)! Good team and Go team for sure!!!!
Blessings, Lots of Love and Creation Sparkles,
Brenda

Brenda Hoffman 25th May 2016 11:15 am

Hi Spiritdiver,
I sense - maybe incorrectly, only you know - that your entire last message, including the phrase, was spirit directed. Go Spiritdiver! Go Team!
Blessings, Lots of Love and Creation Sparkles,
Brenda

withlove 25th May 2016 7:00 pm

Hi Brenda

Thank you for your 'Oh so true message'. For the past two years, I chose to spend less time with family members who hurt and manipulate me. Others are definately not patting me on the back, but they are getting upset and outright demanding that I “make time for what’s important’. Important to them, without asking what’s important to me. Tsk!
I have felt afraid that I am alienating people from my life, in fact, I have been told that I am 'pushing people away', by creating and enforcing boundaries. It's funny how no-one does anything about the people who do and say hurtful things or encroach my boundaries. They simply say I must "turn the other cheak" or 'be the least' - i.e. suppress your feelings and make others comfortable at your expense. Thank you for these wise words.
When others reprimand me and demand that I do the 'right thing' (what's expected), according to what they value. No! No! No! I don't even want to explain why.

With Love

Mandy

spiritdiver 25th May 2016 10:44 pm

Just have to say..Yeah Mandy, good for you!! : D It's called acceptance as you know. In yourself is where it starts, and matters most. From there it trickles out and spreads, it can't help but do so. And the more you open to allowing that grow in yourself, likewise in a beautiful reply from spirit, a confident messaging you will begin to recieve, if you look closely enough it will show. Its a true gift. That's all I know.

Brenda Hoffman 26th May 2016 4:17 pm

Dear Mandy,
I'm so proud of you.

Setting boundaries with those who expect us to comply with their needs (care taking or victim roles)/ their fears is not easy. We've been trained that the repercussions of those boundaries are too awful to contemplate. And yet, as you've discovered, when we do, others find those willing to fulfill their needs or they attempt to make us shift back to who THEY were comfortable with. But you've escaped both 3D caretaking/victim patterns. YES!!!!!
Blessings, Lots of Love and Creation Sparkles,
Brenda

Navi43 27th May 2016 5:13 pm

This article resonated very deeply with me! Having born as an introvert and very sensitive individual in a collectivist country,I suffered from social anxiety most of my life, due to being misunderstood.Tried to fit in and be like others but mostly failed at it. Last few years changed me a lot and I worry less and less about fitting in. Recently, unwillingly I became a part of extra friendly and extrovert mother's group in my kids school who are all from my country. I am expected to stay at school after drop off and pick up, have trivial and casual talk for 5-10 minutes before leaving which I hate to do. As I just wave to them and go my way, they think I am weird, I can see that in their looks and an occasional comment. On the top of that almost every two week they get together for fun, or to celebrate someone's birthday or anniversary. I have already attended two parties, going to attend another one on Sunday and it drained the hell out of me until I read your message. I started feeling guilty and uneasy recently.
Thank you for making me feel there is nothing wrong with me.

Navi43 27th May 2016 5:13 pm

This article resonated very deeply with me! Having born as an introvert and very sensitive individual in a collectivist country,I suffered from social anxiety most of my life, due to being misunderstood.Tried to fit in and be like others but mostly failed at it. Last few years changed me a lot and I worry less and less about fitting in. Recently, unwillingly I became a part of extra friendly and extrovert mother's group in my kids school who are all from my country. I am expected to stay at school after drop off and pick up, have trivial and casual talk for 5-10 minutes before leaving which I hate to do. As I just wave to them and go my way, they think I am weird, I can see that in their looks and an occasional comment. On the top of that almost every two week they get together for fun, or to celebrate someone's birthday or anniversary. I have already attended two parties, going to attend another one on Sunday and it drained the hell out of me until I read your message. I started feeling guilty and uneasy recently.
Thank you for making me feel there is nothing wrong with me.

Navi43 27th May 2016 5:21 pm

How do you tell people that you like them as they are but you are not like them! I need my free time to relax, meditate and reflect which most people don't understand. And I have always been surrounded by extroverts friends and family, except a cousin and my husband who gets me. Your message was a confirmation that its ok to be who you actually are.
Thank you very much!

Brenda Hoffman 28th May 2016 10:02 am

Dear Navi,
I'm so glad you're finally realizing you don't have to fit in if you don't want to. Even though I'm very social when I want to be, I also need a great deal of downtime that others don't understand. It just is, and I've lost some potential friends because of it.

How wonderful you're married to someone right for you.

I've moved around my need for downtime by telling others I need downtime.

Just be you - knowing that your husband and cousin get you - as we do here in Spirit Library. You're not alone - just in the stage, most likely, of parents interacting because of their children.

Be you. We need unique individuals - not personality wanna bes. We're so done with the personality contests we exprienced in 3D. Dare to be you - an extremely brave stance given your family background of extrovert personalities.
Blessings, Lots of Love and Creation Sparkles,
Brenda
PS Maybe you selected your family & interact with extreme extroverts because you want/need to learn how to be you in all your glory as an example of
for others.

Advertisement

Keep updated with Spirit Library

Author Information

Brenda Hoffman

An intuitive since birth, Brenda formalized her channeling skills with her internationally noted book, A Glimpse of Your Future. This prophetic classic describes your role in this transition, as well as answers questions such as why baby boomers were instrumental in introducing the New Age and what earth will be like in the year 4000.

Books from Brenda Hoffman

Advertisement