I love it when things happen in life to remind you that everything is energy, everything has a perfect right timing, and everything has a reason. For years and years I had my ideal car (at the time) on my vision boards. Finally, 2 years ago, I bought the car only a few days before my birthday. The registration date happened to be on my birthday, and the girl who I bought it from also had my birthday! So it was all meant to be, right?
Not even a week went by before I found out I was pregnant, so I knew that my shiny BMW had a relatively short lifespan in our soon-to-be larger household. By mid last year it was obvious we needed a more spacious car and so we put it up for sale. It felt like I’d just needed to buy this one thing for myself and once I had...well I was more than happy to let it go and move on to the next wonderful chapter of parenthood and the world of SUV’s.
Only...it didn’t sell. Month after month went by. No calls. Almost 6 months went by and still nothing. It’s as if it was invisible. (First clue right there!!!) I knew it didn’t have anything to do with ‘the slow market’ or anything like that. Everything is energy. If it wasn’t selling, there was a reason. Maybe the person who was going to buy it wasn’t ready yet, or maybe on some level I wasn’t yet ready to let it go. I thought and thought about what I could possibly still be holding onto but came up with nothing. Finally my aunty asked me something that I constantly ask others: “Have you journalled about it?” Ummm no, no I haven’t!
I have this theory. When you journal, it’s fairly impossible to continue to avoid an issue or aspect of yourself. Likewise if you’re avoiding journaling (especially if you’re usually a regular journaller, or are receiving little nudges to journal) then it’s probably likely you’re avoiding having to look at something. So off to my journal I went.
Well, clearly this was a very deeply embedded, stubborn issue because I must have journalled for about 4 pages before I finally started to feel that I was cracking through beyond really surface stuff. When you’re journaling about an issue, you really want to keep going until you get those lightbulb moments, that feeling of oh my gosh sudden clarity rush through you. It’s like being a miner, digging, digging, until you hear that ping that tells you that you’ve hit something.
My issue went all the way back to my newborn self, to my Birth Day. Sometimes I think our peeps upstairs must shake their heads at how long it takes us to get the message! Here they were giving me all these signs with my car, to look at my actual Birth Day, but I had only seen the references to my birthday! As was often the case 40 years ago, my dad wasn’t present at my birth and guess what...my little newborn self took on all sorts of beliefs as a result! As a conscious adult I felt clear of these old beliefs, but there was still some part of my newborn self that was still feeling and holding them. These beliefs were around being seen (hello invisible car!), waiting for my dad’s approval and acceptance, and waiting for permission to own my own worth and value and right to be here!
Throughout my life I’ve been aware of the many layers of my birth and dad (and other) issues, aware of the many ways they have manifested and have eventually cleared most of it. However, as is the case with 2013, it’s just not possible to carry even one speck of our old beliefs and baggage forward with us into our new reality. Bless the car sale delay – it was forcing me to look at the last remnants of old issues and beliefs that I really thought I had cleared. Perhaps I had cleared them, only now we’re dealing with deeper layers as we are called to move into higher versions of ourselves.
10 pages of journaling later, the phone started ringing. That week 6 people called – but still, no-one came to see it! Okay, now what? A couple of weeks went by and a good friend asked me “Is the car still on your vision board?” I had to laugh. I hadn’t updated my vision board since before I bought the car, and lately it had been falling off the wall – and I’d been trying to stick it back up only to find it on the floor again the next day. So, a new vision board is definitely on my current to do list, but in the meantime I took the BMW picture off the old vision board. I went and sat outside with the photo, and did a little burning ceremony with it while I expressed all my thoughts of gratitude around what this car had been trying to show me. I blessed the car and the sale delay, because it had made me look at old issues in a new way. It had really called me to step up into a new level of myself and embody a new feeling around no longer waiting for permission to own my worth and value and right to be here (if indeed I was doing this, which apparently according to my birth self I was on some level!) I reclaimed my authority over my own self, I reclaimed my power, and I told my newborn self she was loved and worthy and of value and had a right to be here – not for anything she did or was or had, but just because she was her little divine self. What I really loved is that the car just couldn’t sell, and wouldn’t sell, until I had done this!
A few days later, two days before my 40th birthday which is today, a lovely family called. They came, they saw, and they bought the BMW!
So if there is something in your life that is frustrating you right now, some delay or issue or recurring pattern, take out your journal and ask: What are you trying to tell me? There is always a message – and bless those things that are the messengers because as difficult as they can be to deal with they are hanging in there, holding on to the tough situations, even if we get upset, until we get their message! Now that’s love.