This morning I was very inspired by an observation Nancy Ward made in her monthly Soul Transitions Vibe Report for September. I didn't even read the whole message, because once I read the first few paragraphs, I knew that the message for me was held therein. Nancy writes:
I’ve noticed in myself – and heard reports from other people – that there’s a feeling of ennui that many are experiencing. Feeling unmotivated, as if we’re swirling around in an eddy of energy, not going anywhere, just spinning in the same spot. To move out of this, I am receiving messages to do what is fun, what makes me feel good.
Yes! I thought. I feel it. That's what I'm noddling over and prodding within myself--attempting to get a firm glimpse of this morning.
I was grateful for this mirror of my experience which tuned me in further to my own current. I reminded myself that an eddy is not stagnant water. When we find ourselves there we're not really doing nothing.
Looking for a photo of an eddy, I found this description on a site about kayaking:
An eddy is part of a river where there is no water flow (or in some cases there is a tiny whirlpool where the water spins in a circle). They are generally set off to the side and created by a small creek flowing into the main river in the opposite direction or there could be a blockage that forces the main flow of the water in a different direction – like a massive rock or downed tree.
A river eddy can be a lifesaver for a paddler. They offer a place to rest, relax and scout the perfect line ahead. When you’re in an eddy you shouldn’t have to paddle at all, or at least, very little because there is no water flow.
What a great reminder of the purpose of this energy I am in!
I felt this energy in August too.
There is a profound sense of some kind of groundwork being underway. Things being set in order, arranged. I myself often feeling I'm stretching and warming up for re-entry into the flow of things, and sense the river will have expanded when I do so. That what I'll enter will be the current of aliveness which flows from the leading edge of me, informed, accelerated and expanded by this time of seemingly doing very little. It also feels like things I see and vision in my life will unfold with ease...and yet right now, there is often big-time-quiet in my inner landscape...and if I'm not appreciative of what's taking place, I can slip out of relaxation and ease and into self-judgment, feel irritated or impatient.
Oh that desire to be DOING is so strong when one is in a human body! :)
I am so appreciative of being shown again, how much I can blunder into a perspective where I measure and evaluate ME with a sense of how much I am doing. I am grateful to release even more of this and embrace myself and my life with unconditional appreciation.
Then I find leisure and joyous effortlessness open up even more fully. After all, when we envision paradise, doesn't it certainly include lots of free time, a relaxing pace and the ability to flow as we like?
I love that life is teaching me the ways of the new earth.
I have to let go and let a new vision continually expand and arise to realize what life in paradise might actually be like. I think there is a reason sometimes people win the lottery and then don't know what to do with themselves. Getting all that freedom requires us to enlarge our sense of what's possible and to really listen to what will give us joy!
To let go of doing and working toward this all the time--which we're SO steeped in--and shift to allowing ourselves to receive the gift of expanding freedom which we're creating and allow ourselves and our life to change.
In my life I see more and more the invitation to give myself MORE FUN. To allow play and seemingly "un-productive" aspects of life to expand. To see once more the straightforwardness of claiming my own divinity, and being gifted with abundant time and space as a pathway to bliss.
One of the things you don't know until it's yours, is HOW all this time and space, and ease will feel to you. After the initial awe wore off, I find myself surprised at how often I realize I am not sure what I want or what would be the most fun. I am being invited to continually up the ante in terms of clarifying and learning what gives me joy, and choosing that moment to moment for myself. I am also realizing that to remove all limits to my sense of what's possible is a progressive process. I gradually discover ways I scale down on my largest vision of joy and remove those limits. Cultivating a new expectation which knows I can create anything I desire.
I am also being invited to deepen my trust in the moments of not-doing, in the moments of stillness, and to lean back into the energy of life allowing my patterns of being to be as dynamic as they need to be to harmonize with the flow within me. Some months I channel and write and teach a lot. Some months I am very quiet in this way. I am learning that I'm always able to continue to live well and that there is always what I need day to day, moment to moment--regardless of my activity level. My level of experience is not dependent on my activity--it's created by my expectations. This is fun and invigorating, as well as for me takes some practice. As my basic wonderful needs get met with reliability...a doorway of possibility opens and I find myself sometimes a bit bored, and wondering, "What my dear Meredith one, would have you soaring and open you to even greater aliveness and self-expression?" It pulls me out of old patterns and can be answered with the simplest of things--like lying in the front yard enjoying the sunshine--to remembering how much I liked water skiing and contemplating do I want to create this in my life once more? This endless eternal powerful creator stuff of life, calls forth a fullness of dynamic experience of permission, creativity and stillness in ways that I am still learning to spread out into, to takefull advantage of.
It's interesting to deepen my abilities to create in collaboration with Gaia. To feel the patterns and cycles of our planet and water--the pervasive and common element of our experience--and take clues from them as to what is also going on within me and allow myself to do so. To know that all of life is ONE and that wherever I find myself is really deeply perfect. To know this in a practical way--like in terms of how much money I make this month--not to separate this from my life. Like my spiritual life is one thing and my practical worldly life is another. They are one and the same.
The more deeply I allow myself to lean into this, the more spacious life becomes. Then the more my old paradigm distrust of this surfaces for release and I find myself being even more awed and delighted by the newness of life that is MOST obviously being created.
Water, clearly is reshaping things. It's the avenue that Gaia can use to alter landmasses. In collaboration with the lunar sentience to create rhythms and cycles that are our life pulse. With intention and choice we can replicate energy forms, or qualities of energy in water. (As Masuro Emoto reminds us.)
This weekend I was speaking to a friend who lives in the Pacific Northwest, and she shared with me the way the abundant water there affects her--how she often feels as though she IS the water and flowing, moving, peaceful. And yet--she finds it hard to tap into motivation to do things.
Later in the weekend, I remembered my own hindsight observation after living in Seattle in the mid 80's. I recalled the sense I had that had I stayed there I would have been happy, but I would likely have never accomplished anything.
What IS this about water that had this effect on me, and perhaps my friend? Or more accurately, why was I so concerned about this? Isn't happiness the point? Apparently for me then, it wasn't--I had gotten my priorities out of order a bit. I cared more about doing certain things then being happy. I think this happens more then we may realize.
Nancy shares in her post that water is rearranging us, inside and out. I agree. I can see now, that it is teaching us to un-learn all of the old paradigm ways of effort. I am being guided to let go of that internal alarm which goes off and my inner voice that says, "hello there--you're not really being very productive lately." I am getting used to just smiling at this and instead of worrying I re-assure myself that I create using my focus. I do something fun and let the current to carry me into a convergence with my life and to trust and enjoy the spinning and languid lull of those times when I'm seemingly out of the main stream. Recognizing the gift of these times, rather then resisting them with impatience and self-criticism.
Years ago, I was hiking in the Canadian Rockies and one day visited Johnston's Canyon in Banff. Rushing water carves through limestone, creating amazing landforms in the relentless powerful way, only water can.
We were walking through the canyon reading the trail signs and laughing at the repetition. The signs kept saying, "water carving rock, rock carving water." Over and over again throughout the trail was this refrain, "water carving rock, rock carving water." Whoever wrote this was wise and humble. Wise to realize it's this persistent humble quality of water which is able to cut through rock, and humble to tell the story like it is and trust us to notice the truth in the repetition, not read it as a limited ability to narrate our hike.
I see that I missed this a bit before. Water actually IS a huge part of the life force within ME. Relentlessly eternal. Love filled and persistent. Clearing, clearing, clearing. Making way. Opening. This water flowing through the Bow River Valley, formed this canyon over thousands of years. It's actually even called a "creek." A pretty soft term for something that altered the landscape and rock, so significantly. I am not nearly so hard as rock, imagine the effect it might have on me, especially if I yield and go with the flow.
Water is closely related to Turtle energy; slow and steady. Turtles in Native American teaching are the oldest symbols for the planet Earth. Turtle perspective reminds us to flow harmoniously with our situation, to not push things and to allow things to ripen. That is the message I was reminded of by Nancy's post today.
The Turtle buries its eggs in the sand and allows the sun to hatch them. It reminds us of the allies we have in the Sun and the Earth, and the water.
I am thankful for my confusion this morning about what was happening within me. I love that I seek understanding when I am confused, and am appreciative of discovering more to release of the old paradigm that associates doing with happy outcomes.
I know happiness is a fundamental. It's not dependent on anything. It, like love, just IS. It's everywhere and available always. And as resting is not doing nothing. Things are not always what they seem. More and more I see beyond the old paradigm collective beliefs and past the veil of the illusion, is a slowly materializing memory of paradise, and an evolving vision of my own new, modern paradise. Life at the Ideafrontier! Expect wonderful.
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