Many or most situations you bring upon yourselves by taking something personally. You feel offended, hurt, attacked, put upon. In all likelihood, what is going on in a situation has nothing to do with you personally. No one is out to get you. And if they are, you probably could have put out the fire long ago.
Sometimes you look for something to prove that someone is downplaying you. Have your own regard for yourself, beloved. Do you really need so much approval and agreement from others?
Others are not your pawn that they have to do things the way you think. They can make their moves the way they choose.
When you feel affronted, think of a different way to react. Instead of confronting, perhaps treat them to some Danish pastry. Win friends, not foes. Be easy to get along with even when someone else is not.
Perhaps you are someone who has liked to do battle. Perhaps you like a cause to be angry about. When you feel angry, there is an aspect where you feel victimized. Let go of the image of yourself as a victim. Sit back a little, and see other ways you can perceive and all the ways you can respond. Perhaps you will want to respond a different way. Perhaps you want to perceive differently, beloveds.
When you fight someone, you must know that they dig their heels in deeper. That’s what you do, isn’t it? If you must see someone as an opponent, give them room to relax their position. You may have the tendency to think that you must take a stand, that it is virtuous to take a stand. Sometimes it may be. Too often taking a stand is setting yourself against another, however. Can you find a way to be for them instead?
If your employer is crabby, can you find a way to take a load off his mind? Must you be huffy? If someone bites at you, must you bite back?
If you did not have the idea that you have to defend yourself, how might your life change? I think it would change dramatically.
You are not obliged to say no to everything. You can say, “I see,” instead. You can say, “Tell me more about how you feel.” You can say, “What can I do to help you?” You can think of many things to say that can improve a situation. This doesn’t mean that you are capitulating. You want the person across from you to listen to you, to hear you. Grant them that same favor. Grant it with all good will.
Sometimes there is a tendency to be angry with authority figures. It’s not their fault that you have difficulty with authority. You are not to blame them for that. They are not a person from the past who wielded too much of misplaced authority over you while you were helpless. You are not helpless now. Nor do you have to react in the old non-productive ways. You are a creative Human Being, and you can think of other ways to respond that do not cost you so much.
You do have the power to change situations but not by force. Force doesn’t do it for you.
When you fight and fight one situation after another, you may think you are asserting yourself. What you really exhibit is that you have given up. You have given up the possibility of harmonious resolution. You have given up too much too soon. Do not be so quick as you have been to immolate another.
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