There is such a difference for you from knowing and living. You know there is no death, and yet you mourn. Do not think I am making small of your grief. I am just pointing out the difference between what you understand and what you live. You are perfectly willing to accept that there is no death, and you may even have moments when you really do accept this, and yet still you cling to yearning for your loved one as he or she once was on Earth. You know there is death of a body, and you have well seen that when the body dies, the person you love is no longer there in that body. The body without your loved one's presence abiding there is empty. You really know that. And yet you mourn. Fifty years later you still mourn.
I am not chastising you because your heart longs and longs for precious moments with your loved one, the memories of which are sweet, or bittersweet, or outright unendurable because you are now left with memories. Your grief is not less because you know, really know, that your beloved cannot return to you as he or she once was. Even when you feel your loved one's presence as you sometimes do, you still want the physical back. You want the past, beloved. It is the past you mourn. It is yourself you mourn.
You gain some comfort in knowing your loved one does indeed exist in another realm, and that you will join him by and by, and yet you want him here in this realm that you are so accustomed to. Your heart breaks now. It is just too awful to contemplate that one who meant so much to you, the one who abides so in your heart, no longer lives with you. You can no longer reach out your hand and touch his. You can no longer have his face smiling at you. You can no longer have the sound of his voice nor treasured words from his lips. And yet you know there is more than that that you are missing with all your heart.
And, yet you know, with the imaginary passage of time, that it can never be as it was. If your loved one returned to you today, you could not just pick up as you were. You really know that, and yet you long for it even so. You yearn for even a few minutes of your beloved restored as it used to be.
What is the more that you miss? What is the more that above all you long for? You well know it is not the body. No matter how you long for its warmth, it is not the body. It is not the smile. It is not the words. Yes, you do long for these things, you long for all of it, and yet they are little next to that which is of the essence of your longing. The very consciousness of your loved one that continues and grows is what you want. Of course it is. Nothing else will do. This is the presence of your loved one that does continue to exist. You can be sure that your loved one is embracing you right this moment. And still you long for the past and how it was and how you yourself once were.
You give lip service to the fact that your loved one is not really gone, and yet you are bereft. What is it you are bereft of, beloved? Whatever sweetness your loved one brought out in you is what you long for. You long for how you once felt. Yes, you long for the presence of your loved one who struck a chord in you that no one else quite can. You are right. There is no replacement for the one you loved, and yet he is right beside you. Feel his love and your love now.
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