You are born into a family. Like most everyone, you spend your life with the people that are your family... Whether they are your birth parents, or adoptive parents (caregivers) and siblings, you have a family that you call your own.
Through life, as you grow up around your family, you accept your place in the structure of this group, and you share the responsibilities of being part of it. You learn to play your role, and you learn about the roles that others have in the family structure. And after a number being an apprentice for a number of years, you move on to create your own family. At least, that's what most people do.
Have you noticed what happens when you begin your journey of creating your own family? Many patterns that are familiar to you, and that were part of your experience as a child, are beginning to find their way in your new family, where you are the parent. You take up the role of either one of the adults in the family that you grew up with, and you pass on some of the roles you used to have to your own children.
What you've learned as a child, you are teaching to your own children. Sounds pretty clear, right? Well, it is not always that clear to you, until you find yourself in the middle of a conversation with your child, who is asking the exact same question you asked your own parents: "Why can't I go stay with my friend over night?" And suddenly, you remember how you used to feel, when you were told a very clear "Because I don't want you to."
Here's what happens... You go through life, and you take the many patterns of energy that are created in the interactions you have with others (including your family), and you apply these patterns to the family that you are creating later in life.
Most of the time, you are willing and trying hard to avoid repeating the mistakes that your parents made during their life with you, but somehow you find that those "mistakes" have found their way into your family. And then you realize that it's not so easy to let go of these old energy patterns which are clearly old to you, but you don't really know how to release them.
So what can you do? It takes active involvement on your part (and of course from your partner, too) to remember the old patterns, and to learn to release them from your life. But some of these patterns carry important themes along with them, which you haven't resolved yet.
That's why, when you notice such a pattern, it is important to pay very close attention to the details. You will notice how all the elements find a way to re-create the experiences that you had in the past, when you were a young child.
Look at all these details, and see what looks to be particularly important to you. Do you notice, maybe something that you haven't been able to see before? Can you take a closer look at what you are discovering?
Sometimes being quiet, and writing about your observations helps. At other times, it helps to just be in nature, and let the old experiences leave your body. And yet other ways that you can understand and release these experiences can be through active meditation, or through dreaming.
Spend some time allowing to be given important information about what these experiences still mean to you. What is it that you haven't integrated yet about the old You, and that you can finally resolve now?
One thing that will come out of this exercise will be that, even if the same patterns will re-occur in your current family situation, having released the old energy from them, you will not attract further experiences that would bring pain or distress to you, or to your family. You will be able to catch it when a situation is developing in front of you, and then you can take action accordingly. And that's where you will have changed the trajectory of your family, both from the future and present, but also from the experiences of the past. You will find more peace and joy in your family life, and this will certainly brighten your days.
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