Question: I am filled up with this enlightenment, God-searching, question-asking, never-ending-be-what-you-are business. Dead words of "holy" men are flying like flies out of my ears. And here I am writing this question to you. Is there any end to this bullshit?
Leonard's answer: To be fully present in the moment puts an end to the "bullshit", at least for the moment that you are present. When you are fully present, you come out of the mind, and all questions and answers disappear. All that is left is silence and the IS-NESS of NOW. It is moment to moment.
You do not have to fully present all the time. But you must be present enough so that Silence and Presence is the very foundation of who you are and the very foundation of your life. You must be able to enter into or return to the deepest levels of Presence whenever you choose. You know that the present moment is the truth of life and that everything else is an illusion. That does not mean that you cannot play in the illusion. It is just that you no longer regard it as the truth of life.
If you find it difficult to remain present, or if you find it difficult to return to Presence, it means that you are caught in the world of the mind, and there are a number of possibilities you may have to attend to in order to free your self.
The first is that some healing of the past may be necessary, and this can include painful or traumatic experiences from childhood and some times even from past lives.
The second possibility may be that you will have to allow some very old repressed emotions to surface into conscious expression in a way that is unconditionally loving, allowing and accepting of those feelings.
The third possibility is that you will have to stop believing in your own memories, thoughts, concepts, opinions, imaginings and beliefs. They are not the truth. Only silence is the truth and only that which arises out of or exists within silence is the truth. That includes everything that is truly of this moment.
The fourth possibility is that you will have to bring consciousness to your fears, desires and attachments. Just bringing them to consciousness with the intention of not acting upon them or believing in them will release you more and more into the present moment. Even the desire for enlightenment will keep you out of the present moment.
The fifth possibility is that you may have to refine your relationship with your own ego. The ego is a powerful obstacle to being present and it will only relax and surrender and allow you to be more fully present when certain conditions are met. The ego feeds on judgment and rejection, so any judgment of it or attempt to get rid of it simply strengthens it. You will have to enter into a relationship of unconditional love and acceptance with the ego if you want to be liberated from it. This is paradoxical and a very subtle part of the awakening process.
I hope that my words do not become dead words flying out of your ears like flies. On the other hand, if enough words fly out of your ears, perhaps you will be left in Silence.