In this article Eckhart Tolle aswers the following question:My sons drowned in the sea ten months ago. I did surrender, but when I felt the peace and calm coming over me, it felt wrong. It was not right to feel peace and calm with such a loss.
As you probably know, in sleep you constantly move between the phases of dreamless sleep and the dream state. Similarly, in wakefulness most people only shift between ordinary unconsciousness and deep unconsciousness.
Some people find that when problems come, they suddenly wake up and go, “Oh!” They become more alert and more present. When all is going well, alertness decreases and they go, “Okay, let’s have another drink. Where are we going on vacation next?
The awareness that’s already present in the questioner needs to be there in the moment when these thoughts arise — to recognize them as thoughts — and then, you are no longer completely trapped in what these thoughts are saying.