Life in the Soft Spot Part II: (Un)Biting the Hook and Taking Back the Wheel

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear. And I can’t help but ask myself how much I’ll let the fear take the wheel and steer. It’s driven me before, and seems to have a vague haunting mass appeal. But lately I’m beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel. – Incubus/Drive

Hello friends, so how are you doing life post-eclipse season? I am enjoying June’s energies so far and feel they will be bringing us a much-needed change of energy and perspective. Also a reminder that we are *creative* beings, and can take wheel again in our experience. From March though May of this year, we may have been slammed with so many unusual and/or startling events, that we may have temporarily forgotten.

We’ve all been there, so hurt and angry with negative, victimizing thoughts barreling through our heads like a freight train. How could so & so have been so cruel and insensitive?! We may never know the answer to that question, but we can temper our own response. That is the part of the equation that we still *do* have some control over. It seems family and friends are particularly skilled at “pushing our buttons” either consciously or unconsciously. In this way they truly become the “guru.” Sometimes, the greater the anger, the greater the potential teaching. We are certainly being “rubbed the wrong way,” and our ego is quick to let us know about it. I know there are those of you thinking “but what if others DO say or do something completely inappropriate or offensive?” Yes, this certainly does occur. Our response is what matters here, and it is a window of insight to how free or “hooked” we are ourselves. This is also not to suggest to “roll over” in the face of true injustice. It’s our attitude that counts. We can accomplish much more from a state of loving detachment than a state of reactivity that just puts us back on the same hamster wheel.

This is also not to say that it doesn’t hurt. It is particularly painful to see a good friendship end over a triggering event, where one or both of the parties would rather be “right” than happy. One of my teachers used to say, “Being right is like a coffee cup with a hole in the bottom. It’s not really worth much.” True ‘dat. This is the destructive power of egoic/ordinary mind at work, and it’s often not very pretty.

Spiritual teacher Vivekananda spoke of “verbal and mental delusion.” I can think of no better example than cyber attacks and “flame wars” that are ignited and continued simply by words upon a screen. It’s pretty silly when we step back and think about it for a little bit.

The Akashic Wisdom Keepers have often said that as global and galactic citizens one of the best things we can do to contribute to being among the “clean up crew” for the planet is to quit taking offense, even if it was intended. In that moment when we feel triggered by an outside circumstance, we have a choice. To let fear and aggression take the wheel, or to realign with what is *real* and more consciously aware inside of us.

Q: What can you tell us about getting offended? After that last Full Moon/Eclipse, it seemed to be going around. Thank you.

A: Beloveds, thank you for your question. Becoming offended is part of what is called “Shenpa” in Buddhist thought. It is where you get “hooked” and fall back into ordinary or unawakened consciousness. It is common to step into blame and projection immediately when one is feeling offended, to make it the other person’s fault. This continues the cycle of blame and ultimately, abuse. Yes, it is abusive to one’s self and to others to become offended, especially if one acts upon it by responding in kind. This contributes to the unconsciousness of the world. When so-called offensive situations occur in one’s life, it is always an opportunity to work on one’s consciousness and offer forgiveness to self and other(s.) One of your wisdom keepers once wisely said, “Just because someone calls you a donkey, it doesn’t mean you are one.” These little incidents are also an opportunity to retreat back into the Self, that exists without blame or praise in a state of clear wisdom and knowing. You are That. If you want to serve the world and be a peacemaker, stop becoming offended. It ultimately is worth nothing and perpetuates illusion. One way to transmute offendedness, is to lighten up about it. Ordinary mind loves to stay “on top,” and will look for all kinds of strategies to try to do so. The bottom line is if you are offended along with someone else, you are both “hooked.” The antidote is to simply realize where you are. You have temporarly stepped in a pothole and will soon find your way out. Offer love and open to the humor in the situation; which when you quit being so serious, you will be able to see clearly. – The Keepers, 5.28.13These days we also may be feeling what I jokingly have referred to in the past as “Cosmic Whiplash.” It’s been quite a ride these past few months, and we still have plenty to integrate along with many other people too. Loving kindness and compassion are still highly recommended towards ourselves and others. With more planets moving into heart-centered, nurturing Cancer this month and next, we will have Universal support in this action.We can contact our inner strength, our natural openness, for short periods before getting swept away. And this is excellent, heroic, a huge step in interrupting and weakening our ancient habits. If we keep a sense of humor and stay with it for the long haul, the ability to be present just naturally evolves. Gradually we lose our appetite for biting the hook. We lose our appetite for aggression. – Pema Chödron

Wishing you a great month ahead of much love, happiness and further joyful awakenings.

An uncomfortable feeling is like a compassionate alarm clock saying ”you are caught in a dream.” Wake yourself up! – Byron Katie

Comments

COBALT 5th June 2013 9:48 am

Enjoying the energies... Love that song. :smitten:

betsy. 5th June 2013 10:41 am

Thank you, Irma, for this message. I have been struggling with this a lot! I set boundaries with my family; yet, it seems they continue to be ignored, as if I don't matter. I don't feel that they're doing it on purpose consciously. I feel that when they "need" me & they panic, they expect me to be there asap to fix it & somehow make it all better for them, which leaves me exhausted. I'm getting better about setting boundaries - not answering the phone quickly, etc., & doing things on MY time, realizing I matter, too; but, I struggle with guilt associated with this. I get angry @ them for their behavior (but hold it in), then I feel guilty for becoming angry because I don't believe they're doing it on purpose & I'm trying to be a loving example. In the moment, I remind myself of Don Miguel Ruiz's "Take Nothing Personally." (This really helps me while driving, too, as I get so short with other drivers sometimes. LOL.) I'm getting better @ expressing my feelings, but so far they still don't seem to get it. I know all I can change is my reaction to the behavior. Much love to you!!!

Sandra Smyre 5th June 2013 1:32 pm

Fabulous message Irma! So comforting to know so many of us struggle with "being right"--when it only cages us. Also, have to use my "pause" button when agitated. When I can do that I'm not caught up in the moment of anguish. Boy, are we being called to come "higher" or what. Some days I do it well and some days not so well--this roller coaster ride isn't helping. Again, thank you for talking to my heart. In LoveLight, Sandra :smitten:

asphara 6th June 2013 1:23 am

Wow, spot on re getting offended, pulling us back into the old consciousness etc!! Why do I always read these things after learning the lessons the hard way? (Doh! Pretty obvious I guess). Many thanks Rev.!

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Rev. Irma Kaye Sawyer

Rev. Irma Kaye Sawyer is an akashic records reader, interfaith minister, intuitive counselor, energy healing practitioner and writer. She currently resides in Laguna Hills, California. Irma has been involved in the holistic healing arts community as a practitioner and teacher since 1992.

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