Everybody Holds Pain - Where do you hold yours?

I recently spent some time with a woman I grew up around. I was in her town and offered to treat her to lunch. I told her to choose a restaurant that she hasn't been to before and that feels 'abundant' and extravagant to her. She chose an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet. She had a coupon.

As I was on my second salad, she began commenting on the physicality of our fellow eaters. 'Why doesn't she DO something about THAT.' 'I'm surprised these chairs can hold him.' 'How sad, even their kids are huge.' 'How could she let her self GO like that?'

Her words were hurtful and made my stomach turn. As we finished our meals, my friend stood up and as she did, she gripped her back and moaned. She has had back pain for years and every move she makes is painful. She has been sleeping on the same mattress for 30 years.

As I drove back to her home my friend chatted continuously about other drivers and how one 'should' always play by the rules so everyone on the road feels safe. When I dropped her off at home and began to say goodbye, her partner of many years greeted me with kindness. My friend's partner has been depressed for a long time and doesn't leave the house. Her pain shows as a permanent, downturned mouth and swollen eyes. Perhaps she cries often, I don't know. We hugged and chatted a bit as I found a place to sit in their living room. It was packed with stuff.

Stuff. You know, important things we collect. On the top of one of the piles on the coffee table was a magazine. Reminace. My friend is 80+ and likes to focus upon her 'good' life in the 40s and 50s.

After chatting about the weather, the government, illegal aliens, and how immigrants 'should' learn English in order to stay here in the US, I graciously left and drove back to my hotel room. My 5D sanctuary.


We all hold pain. Every body holds pain in it's own unique way. It can show up as complaining about others, as extra weight (I've been there), depression (that too) or physical aches (sometimes). Our individual art or mastery is how we deal with it. How do YOU deal with your pain? Do you even recognize it?

How to cope with pain

One way we cope with our pain is to deny it. 'If I just ignore it, it will go away.' But does it truly go away? Or does it simply demonstrate itself in quiet, passive/aggressive ways? As with my friend's partner-sadness and depression.

Another way is to be macho (got testosterone?) 'I'm as strong as a bull. I can bulldoze my way through anything.' Yes you can' until that body or mind gets exhausted and quits in some way-an injury or breakdown.

Another way we respond to pain is to project our inner pain onto those around us. 'Why doesn't she DO something about that fat/back pain/cough/acne/depression?' This is a common solution most engage in. If I find others who I can pick on or criticize, I don't have look at my own pain or where I am off-balance. They are much worse off than I am. I have mine under control.

Moan. You can moan and grunt and make big sighs, and perhaps others around you will become sympathetic and pity you. Or perhaps they will ask you what your problem is. This will open the door for you to talk about all your doctors and surgeries and medications. Better yet, find someone you can commiserate with and compare pains. You can make it a game and compete to see who has the sorest back.

Self-medicate. Lots of options here.

No matter what, it begins in your head.

The more masterful (and perhaps more difficult) way to cope with pain is to focus on releasing or lessening it. Use the tools you've learned to de-charge and release that pain, whether it manifests as physical, emotional or mental off-balance. Of course, before we do that we must decide that we are really finished with it. Many are not finished carrying that pain around. It has become so familiar they can't imagine life without it. 'Who will I be if I am not depressed and overwhelmed?'

Start with imagining what is possible. Pretend. What would today be if I were not eating a bag of cookies right now? If I were happy? If imagining is too difficult find a living example of the ideal you. What words is that person demonstrating? Certain, Successful, Active, Vibrant? Simply watch how s/he demonstrates that energy.

First, decide that the pain and the pickle you are in is no longer fun, nor does it give you the attention/sympathy/comfort it did originally. Then you must decide it is too expensive to carry that rock around in your backpack any longer; it's too expensive physically, emotionally, and mentally. Then step up to your tool bench and use the tools you have to de-charge that old habit. The Rose, the Grounding Cord, the Living Words and others. (There are many others.) Take baby steps to avoid discouragement or self-pressure. This isn't a race to wellness.
Buying a new mattress and seeing a chiropractor could also be a great first step to relieving that painful back. But if you did that, you might not have much to talk about anymore. You might lose all your complaining friends. You might get happy!


zorro 23rd March 2012 1:08 pm

All the points you make are true "observations" of human behavior. But let's not get too preachy. Your position would seem to imply "I am OK but. you are not Ok". Someone else's pain may be a pain in our arse but they also have place in the sheme of things in the process of being worked out, not the least of which is providing humor. I was smiling and laughing at your characters as they are all a bit in each of us. We welcome all this behavior and condemn none of it. It is all part of the mix and makes life interesting and allows us to be the magic, which is the whole reason for being here.

msflattop 24th March 2012 10:39 pm

Thank you Zorro! I felt the same way as you did when I read that. We shouldn't judge those who are trying to live through some insurmountable hurdles. They do not yet have the awareness many have to break free of their troubles. It's those very people who lovingly took on the role in this life to be who they are and teach us a little something about ourselves. Love all through all their percieved flaws as they may be angels in disguise. :angel:

ssg 25th March 2012 2:29 am

Thank you,

Your post has given me a direction that I was unwilling to own...!!

It has given me courage to face my pains and fears...in the face.,.and then go thru them instead of avoiding them...

and I feel so charged and good, a leap in owning myself more...!!

heart flows with gratitude....

blj 25th March 2012 1:40 pm

I agreed with comment 1&2, quite honestly, your observations of your friend are not too different from your friends comments of the other people. Usually when someone irritates me in that way, (which happened just recently), I remind myself(reluctantly) that there is a challenging aspect of myself being reflected back to me... Plus a chance to change.

zorro 25th March 2012 2:50 pm

Spoken like a master alchemist, blj...

k 25th March 2012 9:30 pm

Thank you zorro and others. To see through the eyes of compassion and love is a great gift. The woman's partner with swollen eyes....really, what a burden she must bear to deal with someone who is so negative. She probably is not even aware of the drain this woman has on her. I see the woman who was treated to a lunch, but was not able to open up to a gift, as an energy vampire. I am not sure of what these people are all about, but they can drain the life out a sensitive person. Their fear and even hate permeates everything in their enviroment. They do not plant things, they do not love any life, they spread hate and fear. I sound judgemental, but dealing with these people is a hardship and they can make me want to die if I am not careful. I do not think these people can be changed....and to add more fuel to the fire (being judgmental) I do not think they have a soul. They do not love and anyone who is not capable of love, in my opinion does not have a soul. There is a difference from being bitter over life's hardship and being just plain hateful. I have learned this the hard way.

k 25th March 2012 9:51 pm

Good people go through tough times and in these times they may not be very kind in fact they can really appear to be terrible. They react to the pain, it comes out and if they work hard they will get through it stronger and better than before. But, energy vampires eat away day after day. They do not explode or work through it they just fester in their hate and do what they like to do the most..... spread it. The little degrading remarks about everyone around them and even the people they are supposed to care about, or ranting about how terrible the gov't is and how everyting is getting so bad, the New World Order...etc, they listen to the hate talk shows on the radio all day and then on tv and the news at night. They fester in hate and anger because that is what they like and they are not about to change. That hate spreads like a terrible darkness around them and it is hard to deal with. The poor partner of this woman...if only she could realize what this vampire is doing to her.

k 26th March 2012 2:26 pm

But, I have to wonder does the energy of an area cause people to be a certain way, or do the people cause the energies in an area to be dark? Actually, as I try to understand the darkness I face at this time at my previous home....I am beginning to think that for some reason a dark energy is in the earth. I know I am just a bit crazy, but I recall what I now consider to be an illusion that occured about 5 years ago here. I was walking the pastures with my dogs and what I at first saw was an odd branch laying on the ground next to a fence up in some trees. It turned out to be a nearly new born calf laying with a hind leg caught in some vines hanging way up in the air, the foot and part of the leg had been chewed off. I think back on this now and consider this to have been an illusion presented to me by dark forces. I am totally depressed here. I left the area a couple of days ago and about 100 miles away I started feeling better. I think about how content I was in the forest and in this area I fight depression daily. I wonder.....I think it is in the ground.


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Roxane Burnett

As an author and teacher, Roxane has been offering tools for developing intuition and Personal Power to individuals, businesses and women’s groups since 1994. Following a successful career as an art director for two major corporations and as manager of her own design firm, she joined Jim and co-founded A Course in Mastering Alchemy.


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