I've been writing a series called Playing with Language where I look at the origins and energies of specific words. Words carry and convey these hidden meanings and energies so it is a good idea to know what you are actually saying.
The most recent word is Shame.
1. The painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another:
2. Disgrace; ignominy: His actions brought shame upon his parents.
There is a difference between guilt and shame. Guilt is when you have done something wrong or bad, but you can apologize and do something to right the wrong. With shame, there is something inherently wrong with YOU and there's nothing that you can do to "make it better". This is why it is so painful to feel shame.
The definition that I find so interesting, and most relevant is "disgrace". The prefix dis- is from Latin and means not or removed from. So to be disgraced means to be removed from grace, also called the state of grace which is the condition of being in God's favor or one of the elect.
If you are shamed (disgraced) then it feels like God/Creator has rejected you. You've got to be pretty bad when even God doesn't love you! This is the worst pain of all. It's the separation from Creator or Home. This is that feeling that the Universe is not friendly and definitely "not on your side".
I have discovered that many, if not most people are not even aware of when they are feeling shame. The reason for this is that shame is a hider. It disguises itself as other emotions or thoughts.
How do you know when you are having shame?
You want to hide from the world.
You feel slightly nauseous.
You loose the ability to speak well (or at all).
You feel angry at someone or something for "making you feel bad".
You feel like you are not as good as someone else.
You are afraid that someone will find out that you are a "fraud".
You are afraid of being rejected.
Think of those dreams where you exit a pubic restroom and realize that you have no pants on. That's shame.
Here's an example. A woman in my Master's Journey Course told me this story. During the teleseminar (while we were working on recognizing and un-creating shame in order to open more to information from the spiritual realms) her phone kept disconnecting. This happened several times and each time she felt more and more angry.
Being a wise master, she asked what was the "decode", or message from this. Immediately she realized that she was concerned about being disconnected from the group and felt shame about it. Think about how bad it would feel to be part of an amazing group of masters and to be disconnected (rejected) by them.
What she felt at first was the anger that was really shame in disguise. Once she was aware of the shame, and so could actually feel it, it was cleared. And the phone quit disconnecting.
A side note: what an amazing creator she is to make the phone disconnect several times!
Another popular disguise for shame is fear. Think about public speaking. They say that it is the biggest fear that most people have, even over death. What's the worst thing that could happen? You will get up there and have nothing to say? People will laugh at you or be so bored that they get up and leave?
Public humiliation (shame) is a very intense experience. If people rank public speaking as their greatest fear, even over death, does that mean they would rather die than take the chance of being shamed?
Fear of shame. Wow, that is a big one!
This is the reason we hesitate or completely avoid sharing our true gifts with the world. What if you did open up, get that vulnerable and offer your special gift and the world rejected you? How do you recover from that kind of pain?
I remember my Pre-school graduation ceremony. I was 4 years old. All of the kids were sitting on bleachers and our parents were proudly watching us. We had been practicing for weeks to sing our song. The teacher would sing, to the melody of Frère Jacques (Brother John):
Where is Johnny?
Where is Johnny?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Tell us where you are.
Tell us where you are.
Then the child was supposed to stand up, extend their arms into the air and sing loudly:
Here I am!
Here I am!
Most of the kids were really shy and sang really quietly. I remember thinking, "That's not what the teacher told us to do. I'm going to do it right and really please my Mommy!"
So when it was my turn, I stood up, threw my arms out and sang "Here I am! Here I am!" loudly and boldly.
People giggled, my mom's shook her head, clearly not pleased and she said to the woman next to her, "Sarah always has to be the center of attention."
I remember the shocking pain and humiliation I felt. I wanted to disappear. That one phrase (which I heard on many other occasions since then) and the huge amount of shame I felt stopped me from living my dreams and sharing my gifts with the world. It has been a long journey for me to be able to be in front of a group of people and teach a class, not to mention channeling in front of them.
The good news is that I am not only able to do that now, but I actually enjoy it... a lot! Mom was right, I DO like to be the center of attention! And, it's a good thing. You may not desire to speak to a large group of people, but I know you do have dreams and special gifts to share with the world.
How did I get so that I can enjoy being in front of people? By feeling and clearing the shame! And you can do it too.
Here are some other words that we use instead of saying shame. It's such a good hider that we don't even use its real name.
Low self esteem
(Other than shame, to mortify means, to subjugate (the body, passions, etc.) by abstinence, ascetic discipline, or self-inflicted suffering. Ewww!
It is, of course based on "to die".
After doing a session about clearing shame, Liz Pegg wrote this to me.
"I hadn't realized how much shame was affecting me. Once I began seeing it for what it really was, I'm able to scoop it out and send it down the (un-create) wormhole. It comes up just like you said too, disguised as so many other things but I can now see the underlying energy is shame. I was literally flabbergasted yesterday when I realized all the thoughts that constantly flitter around in my head, are the result of a feeding between shame and mass consciousness. I feel so much more empowered now as I've uncreated and destroyed a great deal of the regular "beating up Liz" program that I wasn't even conscious of!! Amazing."
"I actually experienced what it was like to feel ALL that I am - everything, I felt how immense and timeless I am. How loving, connected and expansive. I felt the power of just "Being". I became my entire being. I was wise, still, aware, everything and nothing all at once.
I don't think I'll ever feel powerless again or even for a moment forget that feeling of who I really am."
Do you "want what she's having"? (Cue Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally.)
Are you longing to feel and actually be "All that you are"?
What are your gifts to bring to this world?
Is shame (or fear of shame) preventing you from offering your gifts to the world and living your dreams?
If you let yourself feel the shame, really go deeply into it, you are actually healing the shame. Eventually, all the shame that was suppressed and stored in your system will be gone. At this point you are free! There's no way anybody can control you through shame. There's nothing that will stop you from living your dreams and offering your special gifts to the world.
While it is simple, it is not necessarily easy. Because shame is a hidden emotion, it needs to be seen to be fully experienced and so to be cleared. This means that you need to have someone you trust to witness your shame. While your personality will probably not like the experience, your soul will be overjoyed. You will feel lighter and more hopeful, ready to shine your unique light!