The Circle of Love - Loss & Heart Opening

Love between close friends and romantic partners evolves in a circle. It's a bit like a dance, the two people over time becoming more bonded and more open with one another. This was always the case, yet in these times of uncertainty and shifting paradigms, the dance can be both more satisfying and more challenging. Continue reading for a big picture view of how this applies in your life.

Background

A key gift of all relationships is the helpful mirror they provide. After all, seeing oneself fully and clearly is problematic. That's why we have each other!

We all have an ego, plus substantial conditioning from either this lifetime or ancestors, that clouds our vision. It's like we have a voice inside our head that continually asks: "Can I trust? Am I loved? Does this person really get me? Am I accepted for how I am? Does X that happened between us compromise our relationship? Does my being open about X make me look less than in his or her eyes?"

The Element of Space

Knowing that this ego-based dynamic is part of the norm is helpful. Reminding oneself that this is common can bring space into any relationship. The element of space is perhaps the most underrated and underdeveloped quality in most relationships.

The Circle - Loss & Heart Opening

The circle of love typically encompasses both a sense of loss and heart opening. It's an intrinsic part of the relationship "becoming" something else - something deeper. It's the deep part that's the most scary, for it means one must dive deeply into oneself to address what shows up in the relationship mirror. One must do this, even if the other person isn't doing that, or is doing that on a more minimal level - a common occurrence.

A relationship involves two separate souls - coming together for a certain amount of time for particular purposes. It's a divine orchestration. Each person has his or her own unique soul path. This means that each person is responsible for their own part in the dance - allowing the other person space and time to address issues in their own way.

Note: relationships can be between people - also with pets - the same applies.

Love and Loss

To know love is to know loss:

  • When you love a person, you are loving someone who will eventually pass from this world.
  • When you love a new person, past relationship hurts can remind you of pain and loss.
  • When you love a person and you quarrel, it can feel like a loss as you discover how to communicate in a heart-centered way and dissolve the quarrel.
  • When you enter a new romantic relationship to become a couple, the single "you" transforms into a new type of "you" who is partnering with someone else; this can feel like loss, especially if you proceed without boundaries and leave your "true self" behind to please someone else; once that happens, unless you become present to it and set boundaries, you can neglect self-care and the inner spiritual nurturing needed for a vibrant and happy life.
Love and Heart Opening

To know love is to have heart opening:

  • When you love a person, being around him or her going through their own personal crisis, can be a heart opening for you, catalyzing compassion and empathy that helps both your loved one and you.
  • When you love someone and allow yourself to become vulnerable, this can open your heart. The more that you do this, the greater your heart opening can be.
  • When you have a quarrel with a loved one, then make up, your heart can break wide open afterwards - feelings and insights coming from a very deep level.
  • When you love someone who consciously or unconsciously stops the flow of love and connection, you may feel so wounded that you take it personally; if you respond to this wound by reflecting on a bigger picture and also going within for guidance, your heart may have a mega opening - changing how you look at yourself, the other person, other people, and life itself.
  • When you love someone who dies, the experience of the death and the loss of the person's physical presence can catalyze such a significant heart opening that you are in a way reborn.

The circle of love is a universal way that we continually evolve as human beings. The pain of loss, perceived loss, or projected loss tempers us. Simultaneously, this pain can open our hearts to look at ourselves, others, and our life experience as a profound blessing and doorway to enlightenment. The mirror of relationship has then fulfilled its purpose.

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