The Joy of Depression

Intense happiness and depression are close to each other. There is a thin line separating those states of being. I’ve always walked  on that line in my life. To balance both can be quite a task. I can be really ecstatic one moment and a minute later I can feel like crap. Sometimes I experience both flows at the same time. Over the years I learned that it’s not about pushing away the depression, but welcoming it in, with open arms. There lies the joy of the human experience, of allowing to be who you are. With the right homeopathic herbs and stuff it becomes easier and easier every time.

Over the years I’ve lost some friends to depression. They decided to go home and leave their bodies, by taking their lives. I know how thin the line between life and death is. Between joy and sadness. Between feeling and being numb. So I’m not someone who knows it all better, like a lot of therapists that learn from books but don’t know how it really feels. Ooo I know. I know the depths of pain of feeling everything and nothing. I know how they tell you to keep your day and night cycles in balance and to eat three times a day, to go out and create some structure. I also know that this doesn’t work with you, most of the time. You’re not meant to fit in, and your balance of life just works different. I just know you are creative. That you are very talented. Maybe so talented that other people can’t act normal to you once they’ve seen your art, listened to your music or other creations. That they become jealous, or think they are less, or put you on a pedestal. That that’s the last thing you need. That your longing for just normal human contact. But that maybe the world outside your room or house is too big, to foggy, to dense for you to interact with right now. That the last thing you want right now is to go out there.  That you don’t want to go school or work and you decided or want to just drop it for now. And you know what? That is perfectly ok. That is perfectly cool. There is no greater gift than creating the space for yourself that you need.

We see an increase of depression at children and teens in today’s society. And no surprise: old ways of dealing with it don’t work with today’s new energy kiddos and you. Luckily there are new modalities popping up that facilitate the safe space in where the experience can be experienced and honored. By that the pain transforms. It can be so difficult to see your child depressed. It is very difficult to live with depression as child, teen or adult.  It’s one of the most dark experiences and sucky states of being as human. When we surrender to it, and really allow the depressed feelings in our live, there comes a joy. The joy of having the human experience, and the joy of transformation.

From an energetic perspective the expression of your soul turned inwards. It creates a vacuum into another dimension where all happy feelings and life force energy are sucked into. It’s an open invitation to those parts of you that don’t feel home to manifest in your life. When we look really close, depression is a great chance for a big welcome home party of all that you are. It’s like a caterpillar that goes into a pop state, and eventually will come out as butterfly.

In general medication only makes it worse. It takes away the real feelings and seduces the soul. It’s like being in a maze looking for a way out and the drugs create fog and make you blind. No way that you can find your way out to real happiness and joy and being than. It will create an artificial state of being that is just a substitute for a real happy and joyful life. Another side effect can be that you lose contact with your dimensions, it’s like being trapped in other dimensions and parts of who you really are, are cut off and lost. Healing from depression is a reunion with all that you are and drugs prevent that (most of the time, there are always exceptions, disclaimer alert ;-) ) The healing lies in accepting your pop state with the knowing you are and will become a butterfly.

We really can’t run away from it anymore. This is not a time to give up and think this article is not for you. When you think that, it’s a sign this is for you. For the hopeless angels that see no light in their lives anymore. It’s for you when you think you live in a world where there is only pain. In where you almost can’t breathe and are suffocated by a thick fog of hate and sadness. It’s for you when you feel the longing to go home, so much that it wakes you in the middle of the night. When you don’t feel your reflection in the world and wonder who you are, while you know perfectly who you really are.

We all have a story, that doesn’t define who we are. We are angels, having a human experience. And sometimes it’s hard to live that human experience. We want to be the angel all the time, or ascend. We think we know how we should act as angels. But living our story, and honoring the contracts we made,  living the experiences we want to have, is so valuable. There is no angel guide telling us how we should be as human angels! Maybe it’s different than you think, maybe there comes a huge huge freedom of expression with being a spirit in a human body. We don’t need to disconnect ourselves from the story we live as soul. As human angel. We are allowed to feel shit, to think peeeep (sound effect) the world, and not like others or ourselves. There is nothing enlightened about pretending we feel something else, than we really feel. We don’t have to judge our  ‘dark’ sides. Being happy is not better than feeling unhappy or depressed. Both are beautiful. By living our lives.

When we want to share the experience of oneness to all that we are, we have to become real about what we feel and who we are. It’s so simple and yet it can be so difficult to be honest about what we feel and think. Sometimes we become afraid of not being ok, of being not spiritual enough and all those other belief systems we have. Well, today is your chance, to let it all out! So get ready for some expression time and shout it out.

I hate the world today, ever said that and not felt guilty about it? I believe it's not a purpose of humans to like every other human. It's perfectly oke to say: I see your light, your soul but I don't feel happy around you. And then turn around and walk away. That is also shining your light!

Sometimes we want to like other people, while their energy just isn't compatible with ours in this moment. Some say: they mirror something to you, so you have to deal with that instead of choosing different. That's not my belief. Yes. sometimes that's the case, but you don't have to become green when you are purple. That makes no sense. The world needs your voice and color!

I believe that being positive is the same as being negative, that both work the same way. That when we want to honor them both, we have to express both sides of our feelings and thoughts.

When we focus too hard on the positive, we actually give power to the negative. We don't have to focus on them anyway. When we just express what is in the moment, it sets every emotion free.

Being positive all day, without feeling it in every cell of your being, is the same as lying. To yourself, your body and the universe. We are afraid sometimes of the judgment we receive when we are grumpy. I trust people who are grumpy or in a bad mood once in a while. Who express their sadness, dislikes and even hatred.

There are no more secrets, also when it comes to feelings. So often people want to become something, instead of being what they are in the moment. They want to grow and reach to a place outside themselves, become enlightened. That is like sending a signal of mistrust to the universe, saying: I don't trust that I'm perfect right now in this eternal now moment.  A perfect human angel.

Can we allow ourselves to be who we really are? Can you say this: When I'm really honest I hate the world today. I hate people who lie, who project their fears on me, become jealous and mean.  That is totally cool. I know how to release my attachment to those feelings, when I'm done expressing them. Deep love, real unconditional love is like a blanket around your hearth. It's there. Always. It has no restrictions to it.  It looks beyond color, gender, fear, hate, love and joy. It accepts you for who you are. It shines light on your flaws, making gems of it.

We can be our own unconditional love givers. When a child, a baby or Jesus is sad or angry we would more easily accept it, and even nurture them for it. We would surround them with love, without judgment. But when we grow up we become to believe that it's bad to curse, think negative thoughts or hate. That we as grownups should know better. For me grownups, adults are  big children.

Children in a big body. We become our own parents. so when you feel angry or hatred, want to laugh, give yourself the space to be.

I give myself the space to be by saying I hate the world today. Normally I would immediately write about the beauty of the world in the next sentence. But today i just doesn't feel like to. It is what it is. No need to make more of it than that.

I'm a human angel, a master that hates the world today. Well. I believe that is pretty cool and awesome! Shining light on hate and sucky feelings. Yay. You are perfect the way you are!



Nita 25th May 2010 10:26 am

BRAVO!! Honoring your truth! :)

kay 25th May 2010 11:25 am

We do need to honor and respect every expression of ourselves. Thank you for the reminder.

elliotgain 25th May 2010 6:20 pm

love it love it love it thank you so much for this!

Satya 25th May 2010 7:16 pm

Awesome! We light workers sometimes just be human!
Thank you! : )

plaurin 25th May 2010 7:42 pm

Such a refreshing read! I feel expanded as I embrace with acceptance the aspects of myself that feel shitty.

DonH SA 2nd June 2010 10:34 am

Mirri, I was ill, now only got to reading your JOY OF DEPRESSION.
I have gone through a very bad patch of depression the past year, wanted to commit suicide, etc. I was hospitalized. Was in a bad way. Yr message is toootally different to anything I heard, and, yehoooooo!!!!, it makes huge sense to me, has turned my whole approach to this lingering depression around this morning (in South Africa).
Thank you for this. May you be blessed. And be more bold with similar articles.
Next time it comes sitting on and in me, I am turning it to joy, and I am gonna laugh at a huge butterfly.

DonH SA 3rd June 2010 12:50 am

M/E, I am touched by the way you draw the philosophy (if we may call it this) to practical application in meeting depression. We read a lot about not being judgmental, but I never thought this judgmentalism also applies to feelings & an “illness” called ‘depression’…naturally also to other termed feelings/experiences/illnesses. I must say, depression will never be the same again after being robbed of its ‘bad’ tag pullover. I so wish every therapist can read, understand & apply this/your new world approach to all ‘patients’ & each situation & ‘illness’.
The whole matter goes much further with the innocent, inherited judgmental terms/applications being used daily without thinking. My wife & I find it calls for a new guarded wording approach, negating all terms & feelings carrying/implying judgmentalism in/with it. I hereby step into the new ‘phylosophy’/approach of seeking total non-judgmentalism in all & everything.
I am so grateful for your JOY-OF-DEPRESSION contribution/application.


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